Jan. 6th, 2016

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Nice lady I work with asked me today what I'd do about my beard.
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Totally fair question - I have no frigging idea. Here's the short list of things I don't want to do:
1 - Use a razor on my face again
2 - Clean up beard trimmings from my bathroom floor
3 - Anything at all

That last one probably has a lot to do with my winter/darkness desolation but whatever!

Here's something. These adorable girls live above me. They're Very Stampy. It was getting to a place where I was missing out on a lot of sleep - a lot - so I go upstairs to knock on their door. They're adorable young girls and they are apologetic- I try my best to be gracious - They're really young - it probably seems a little like being scolded by some kind of... Well who even knows- my building is full of college kids- I'm the outlying middle-aged man who rents. Anyhow - they brought me a cake for christmas as a nice-thing-to-do so now I'm making them something because of... Well basically because I have an excuse to make something. I haven't in a bit and that's been a situation. So I'm working on their project and that's quite messy.

But. Just a couple of months ago - I was lying in bed while they were stampy at 3 in the morning and I was putting together sinister plans. "Who will miss them? How can I dispose of the bodies?" I am not OK about being disturbed from sleep. I am not even myself. I'm like a Fighting-Crazy version of myself if I'm woken from sleep. It's this whole thing. One time I threw my friend around. Like in the air. One time I made my mother cry by swearing at her like a crazy asshole. I don't really remember these things happening - but I also do? Sleep is it's own mysterious thing.

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Quickness to irritability is the message of today in this goony booklet. The pattern that the book uses is this: real life anecdote, kind of oragamied scriptural references meant to correlate to the anecdote - a bunch of text boxes & pull quotes that muddle the issue. I think that the idea here is to cast as wide a net as possible to catch the broadest scope of people. That's fine. Sensible. This is why I don't envy my friends who are professional writers. Broad appeal is elusive & displeasing. Focus - I like that.

Also esoteric jibber-jabber that has no native audience anyway.

From there there's a stilted segue to Paul's letter to the Galatians - which is strong stuff actually. Love your neighbor as yourself (a winning strategy in the Prisoners' dilemma) - then right into the division of the Spirit & the Flesh - the Flesh has wicked desires, the Spirit has benign ones. Which is actually a fairly compelling idea - That the mind devoid of bodily want would pursue compassionate & virtuous aims. That it is the terrestrial compulsion of want that subverts the self.

Well - I'm taking it a different way - but I think I'd concede, pretty readily actually, that reasonable thoughts & good behavior are defeated by immediate needs - like being woken from sleep right?

But then there's this whole business about 'desires of the flesh' and I just get lost there - I... People are machines for making more people. In the end that's the baseline-function of all living organisms - we're part of the larger organism that replicates itself through space & time. Consciousness is interesting because it subverts some of this stuff by making it so that you could, I dunno, found a religion instead of a family or a legacy of babies.

Idolatry and Fits of Rage & Selfish Ambition are thrown in there as the bad things - but for the life of me I just can't see why or how they keep conflating Fucking with Murder in the bible. Weird old book.

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