I lost some teeth today, they just fell out.
It's been a weird, sort of hard couple of days. I should really take a moment now and try to organize my commentary, buuuut no. Instead I'll just words words type words.
So it starts, probably, on Wednesday - yeah, probably. I'm having a pretty good day, things are going right. I remember, they were Right. Everything in it's correct place, broken stuff? Gets Fixed. I'm hungry, I'm happy, it's the good day at the old job. After? And don't get me wrong - it's cold, bitter-cold, and hard - there's that element in the background and all - frame this picture with the winter, the snow, the hardness and the wetness. It's bad outside. So, that in mind - imagine me, the rugs are stained with salt and wet, the computers break and get fixed, you wander the campus (if you're me) handling things, the yard guys are calling me over to look at their phones- and I'm all Knowledge, fixing it all with proper wisdom and johnny-on-the-spot cleverness. I'm having a clever wise week even. I got smart about what to paint and I worked on words and ideas - I'm gonna write a book this year, I figured it out! All smooth, all right.
So after work I head down to 25th street to see about the City. My friend, who invents the cool things to do, went and got a job organizing events for the NPR station - so he had a forum where civic and city officials came to talk. I got there early, worked on lines in the notebook, ate up a nice cheeseburger and drank a few nice White Owl Beers.
Those are my favorite of favorites.
Maybe I went too far, I might have. I got nice, foot-warmed (if not dry) head-cleared, ink-fingered - I was rolled up into the neatness, but maybe a little puzzled by beers. I sit through the discussions and they explain it- City of Cleveland's operating budget - mostly? Income Tax - 2% on everyone who works here. I think about it and I listen, but I still think about that, and you know- you realize, it's a lot of failure, that leads to the situation. Income tax- - you know it was progressive and a big deal once- tax the earnings on labor, work - nowadays, it doesn't seem smart, it seems reckless. It seems like it's the reason the city might care more for employers than residents. I think a lot, probably with the help of Japanese Beer about what it will be when we're over work, as the means of support, over labor. It's a hundred year old scheme and it's showing its age anymore. I think and think. I get discouraged by the panelists - who seem incompetent and crazy. I have a badness about me that judges and listens and discerns. I know the phrases, the ideas - the weak and clawing ideas that call and call - 'attend to me' but they don't mean a thing.
I remember that in the basement of this particular bar they have the old-timey cocktails that I like. I get a couple of sazeracs - but keep forgetting and asking for an Acererak. Puzzled. You know. Ain't nobody want an Acererak in the basement.
Finally, I get filled up with dismay and bolt, catch the train, reading all the way home, and arriving in the dark&cold just in time to talk on the phone with The Plainswoman, Ms. ThousandMile. It's a nice, time, she and some latter-beers put me to bed and I wake up, not at all refreshed, but tired, having stayed up late talking and drinking in the fashion of a younger, much younger man.
But still, more plus than minus on this Wednesday. In fact- I got to Office Space this fucking printer. This Fucking Fuck of a Printer
That was good, cracking plastic, angry noises. Trash compacted. It was good.
But Thursday - Let me tell you about Thor - he's no Odin. Not at all. I am laid-over and hung-down, I am up-torn by sleepy whiskeyness and not having it. Tired. And Not Great. My contractor comes in to help and and look at things, we face down weird and frustrating intrusion attempts on our out-facing internet infrastructure, we stop it all and apply updates. It's... It's fine, but I'm not in the mood for conversation, I'm tired. Motherfucker, I'm tired and hungry and my feet have been wet and cold for a week now. It's 0 - ZeeeRO degrees and that is not enough of those fuckers. I need Degrees. And dinner. Worker friends are all about the meetup- former, ex, once employee, a lady from my neighborhood who found a greener pasture- she wants to take us out, dinner-wise. I agree. I am starving. Go with the funny&nice old man in his car, liking it just... okay. It's fine, he's got a regular car to go in, I'm fine. We hit the place, I eat, sit, talk, it's good. The lady, the one who gained the new job and left our company - she picks up the check and it's almost shaming - she's too generous, it's too much, but I will not pretend that I fought about it. I was like- "you were very subtle when you intercepted the bill and handled it, and I respect that you clearly intended to accomplish what you're accomplishing."
And then, since I'm from her neighborhood - she's like: "I take you now." and after buying dinner and drinks, I thought - Nice Lady.
Well into the snow, into the trouble - she ends up having to veer away in a snowy skid, drives her nice car right over a curb and crashes down some obstacles - continues on, hasty and angry to yell at the fool - chump she had to avoid, wrecking her car and causing me to become... distressed.
She drops me off, the bumper's wrecked, but the car takes on signs and curbs like a hero, not even a crack in the plastic grille. Impressive. Still - looks like a $5k repair. I feel bad.
I go in my home and pass right out. Falling asleep on my Silicon Dioxides that came to me from the Plains. I am spent and tired and flashing back to ugly car-wrecks that I've been in. I think the number is up to double digits now. I am good with not going in cars. I am okay with not doing it.
I wake up double-plus early, which is fine - having gone to bed at 8:30 half lit and spun out by that car-crash noise. Up I get and it's a nice morning alone, paint, shower, coffee at home before dawn. Love the early morning. I get set up nice and ready - go to work, wetting&colding my feet once more. In the door and everything's wrong. Virus outbreaks, badly&misapplied updates & broken relationships in the database. I have to tell all the work friends - Remember how X-Co-Worker came out in the snow to treat us all to food and drinks and then drove me home? Well, there was a car wreck - that was her reward. And then... v3 hours deep, I got a break, caught a slow moment and what do I do with it? I take my time to talk to you.
Because it's you, and I wanted you to know.