May. 8th, 2014 07:48 pm
kingtycoon: (Default)

I'm so busy and workful that I don't even have feelings about things. I'm nearly there with opinions, but not feelings yet. Unless tired is a feeling. I'm deep up against activities, hangouts, adventures and straight up real-style Achievements. My job's gonna spend a pile of bucks on my year long IT project and I guess I have pride about that, also relief, also this is more stuff for me to do, also new hires pile up and new equipment is deployed and I take all these goony classes and I now run 2 games a week and I have a pretty full social calendar. I went to my fridge and everything's spoiled but the beer. I went to my closet and everything's dirty. I haven't been home before 11 in 2 weeks and... Yeah, I'm starting to feel. I guess there are feelings. They are: remorse at having expenses, excitement for ongoing developments, pleasure at professional attainment and confusion that I'd end up liking that.

I got quarters for laundry and still have money in the bank. Life is good and I am strong and timely.

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Among the adventurous others my thesis is made plainly factual: I am relentless and cannot be stopped.

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On the bright side Bridget sent a lovely girl to get me at the airport and we had a convivial whiskey time together with sandwiches.

But I worked on this book it think I'll write that refers often to Sin-Natures and Spiritual Warfare and now I'm fairly sure that I'll have a transport of gothic weeping here-amongst the Spanish miss and feral cats.

Without constant proper attention I think that this is the form that my wave collapses into, that I'll be giant, gigantic ally morose and whiskeyed. There is yet talk of dancing though and one hopes that this is the conversation that prevails.

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For posterity I'll mention that it snowed all last night and when I woke up there was no power or heat. Home from work and still no lights or heat. The power company's website says 11:59 tomorrow. I'm going to bed now because it's too dark to do anything else.

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Alright. I'm getting tired of this thing looking more and more like the madmans apocalyptic logbook. I think I should discipline myself to writing something here - something consequential on most days.

Should I devote a day every week to recapping my game? Should I resolve to do game reviews? More regular painting? Spell booking? Should I actually diary? Tell about the events as they occur? Should I think hard about current events? History? Economics? Should I think about language or wisdom? Magic? Some other thing? I guess I'd appreciate some feedback here.

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Dear livejornal. Amongst the lowlife a there's two types. Us lifers and the tourists. Now when you take out the tourists under your wing they'll be confused but the others know. The tourists think they'll drunkenly shake off the suburbs and might try and forget that you are pretty good at fighting. They'll be shocked by coarse language and surprised when you offer to defeat them in response to an I intended sleight. The others of the tribe know and can tell by looking that theroximituof tourists has turned your fists to hammers and your dick to rebar. They will k ow you by your masterful force and be unable to look you in they eye even after makeouts. Frustrated and hostile you might size up the effeminate little man at the bar thinking: alright. Fuck it. She'll do. And then, powerful, you'll be salvaged by the remembrance that you've an appointment with the dentist in the morning and beg off with just one scuffed fist, a scowl and a long walk home under the moon.

kingtycoon: (Default)

Everything becomes impossible.
Too late dreamless and unbidden
Comes the thing that's defeat.
Shame and memories. Tired-
See. So I end up noticing gritted teeth
Sullen days. It's a waste
- a waste of people to put us to this use

Worked too hard and the tired mind
Turns ever against itself.
Kill yourself! Commands the tired mind.
From shame!
But it's not because it wants you to die
It just wants to sleep

Anyhow fuck these long days growing shorter

kingtycoon: (Default)

I mean... Does anyone even want one of these?

Cause I have a lot.

kingtycoon: (Default)

Today kind of bit it up. Something weird on the network and massive failures of web browsers for everyone with no solution found. I hate it when I can't figure something out.

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Everyone is going to see the GODDAMMED BROWNS today. I truly believe that blowing up the stadium and every fan there would be a less nihilistic act of terror and wickedness than was bringing them back to Cleveland in the first place. How I hate them.

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Now ye may well deem that such a youngling as this was looked upon by all as a lucky man without a lack; but there was this flaw in his lot, whereas he had fallen into the toils of love of a woman exceeding fair, and had taken her to wife, she nought unwilling as it seemed. But when they had been wedded some six months he found by manifest tokens, that his fairness was not so much to her but that she must seek to the foulness of one worser than he in all ways; him, whereas he hated her for her untruth and her hatred of him; yet would the sound of her voice, as she came and went in the house, make his heart beat; and the sight of her stirred desire within him, so that he longed for her to be sweet and kind with him, and deemed that, might it be so, he should forget all the evil gone by. But it was not so; for ever when she saw him, her face changed, and her hatred of him became manifest, and howsoever she were sweet with others, with him she was hard and sour.

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I mean I guess if you're curious or maybe furious? This is where a guy dies I think. Outside my office. You can tell he died because of the smell. I walk here every day and all week long there's that death smell. Blood too but it rained a little.

I'm guessing a car wreck? Over the weekend.

There's a dumpster at the abandoned house across the street now where I guess they threw out all the stuffed animals and memorial candles for the girl who got beaten to death in the ditch out front.

You almost never see the same people on this bus because everyone on it is mostly indigent. The scrapyard see - you can sell cans and whathaveyou. I've seen the scrapers with a shopping cart trying to carry a big old radiator and couldn't figure out how they lifted it in the first place. The scrapers are all so god damned thin you can't even believe it.

There's this one stop that's designated by sign next to a big pile of rubble where some warehouse once must have been. It's a couple of acres of rubble just a stop ahead of where the Quincy station is and everyone always prematurely rings the bell for Quincy and I asked the driver - does anyone ever really get off here? At the huge rubble pile. He said no.

We laughed about this this is a joke between us about the rubble field.

The internet's all bananas about Detroit (pronounced Dee-troyd) so you'd think that everyone was shaking heads, thinking its a shame, saying who would ever get off at that rubble field?

To me there's the rubble field and then there's the rest of the country where stupid things happen to bad people who are oblivious to how bad they are. To me there's the rust belt and then there's some amorphous suburbanite abyss and often, usually, I'm shocked to despair that these are the people that set the standards and call the tunes. The wicked, awful people driving on the interstate and eating out every night and I get stunned, up and down and beat up all sideways to think about these are people I know and were all together in the same-whole thing at it does not at all seem like they are caught up in bleak scenarios about the cheapness of life and various omnipresent dangers and I just don't even understand how to even think about it being the same-whole thing when it's like comparing two cups where one seems half empty and the other is shattered and blood is falling out of it.

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Finally made it to the beach. I don't know why I never did this before.

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Man I don't know. I signed up on a new place to live and was all "now immediately" but I guess I have to wait till the end of the month. Meanwhile my roommate quit me and took the electric with him. Do I wanna sign up fora week of electric and then move or just sit in the dark for up to15 days? I can't tell between stoic pleasures and foolish irresponsibility.

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I'm not quick with typing on my phone. I'm sure it looks comically toylike in my mitts and all and I can't get words right and all but I want to be in the LJ mix. Like I see itall happening and feel like I am not participating enough.

Anyhow - it seems all solved - like everything is on the upward sweep and goodwill to all shall prevail. I feel that I am free completely and poised to seize the possible and to wrong from it all that might be.

Usually - I dream of an impossible thing. You say what do you want and I say Earthbending. I say space heritage. Now I like helping my plants grow and going to work and having a mundane future with fulfilling experiences. Which is to say - I'm losing some reasons for the escapist dreaming that's my strength and my power. Which is grand.

I think a lot. A lot a lot about when I will leave the wasteland. I am ready. I want to go. I feel like I'm moving in the right directions.

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The Juggler right? For a nice stretch work was quite calm. Peaceful even. Now? Not so much. I'm feeling kind of stretched and starting to have stress. I was getting many after hours emails last night about system falures and a BSOD and I was hopping mad. Not from being bothered but just- I take my users experience kind of personally. I hesitate to take on responsibility because I take responsibilities very seriously. Internalize them. Judge myself by how capably I handle them. It's allquite serious and hurried now and ive been feeling all put upon and dependable.

Anyhow. Good problems to have but precarious. There's a danger someone will be let down and I dare not allow it!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

kingtycoon: (Default)

I feel like my imagination is broken or just exhausted. Today i am cold and dare not go out into the cold and all i really want is to do sex all day with like all girls ever and to blind myself with iron nails and have seven mattresses stacked on top of me and for winter to end.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


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