kingtycoon | (no subject)

It's not that everything has to be just right. I don't know. I was kicking rocks outside work today and kind of mutterring. I said - "are you a sensitive arteest?" And I thought about it and I am kind of sensetive, and I try and be an artist, I don't know, I make things because I want to. I like to. I feel better, just better, not great or whole or some other important thing, but I like to do it. You know it's not that I'm super moody, though I am, and not that I'm super lazy, cause I'm not, exactly. It's not even that everything has to be just right for me to do my work, the stuff I consider to be my real work - It's jus that there has to be nothing really wrong.

I don't know what it is that is wrong exactly, just a feeling I have. A vision of a shoe dropping, the next thing. I think maybe that's because there are things that are all right. Most everything is alright - so I have an anticipation that it won't last? I got wrecked in the feelings, that happened, maybe this is that. Maybe I got wrecked in the feelings in a way that will take too long to grow back. Maybe I just can't sleep for reasons, maybe I just don't feel like telling a story. Maybe a lot of things are going to happen.

Maybe I'll regain my focus and desire, maybe I'll just be happy and won't have to do things I don't want to anymore. Maybe a lot of things.

So I don't know. I'm not sad, at all, but just, not ready. That's allowable right? I can be unready can't I?