kingtycoon: (Default)
kingtycoon ([personal profile] kingtycoon) wrote2012-08-17 12:07 am

(no subject)

It's not that everything has to be just right.  I don't know.  I was kicking rocks outside work today and kind of mutterring.  I said - "are you a sensitive arteest?"  And I thought about it and I am kind of sensetive, and I try and be an artist, I don't know, I make things because I want to.  I like to.  I feel better, just better, not great or whole or some other important thing, but I like to do it.  You know it's not that I'm super moody, though I am, and not that I'm super lazy, cause I'm not, exactly.  It's not even that everything has to be just right for me to do my work, the stuff I consider to be my real work - It's jus that there has to be nothing really wrong. 

I don't know what it is that is wrong exactly, just a feeling I have.  A vision of a shoe dropping, the next thing.  I think maybe that's because there are things that are all right.  Most everything is alright - so I have an anticipation that it won't last?  I got wrecked in the feelings, that happened, maybe this is that.  Maybe I got wrecked in the feelings in a way that will take too long to grow back.  Maybe I just can't sleep for reasons, maybe I just don't feel like telling a story.  Maybe a lot of things are going to happen.

Maybe I'll regain my focus and desire, maybe I'll just be happy and won't have to do things I don't want to anymore.  Maybe a lot of things. 

So I don't know.  I'm not sad, at all, but just, not ready.  That's allowable right?  I can be unready can't I?