"I’d like to pretend that I want more from my weekends than this, that adventure & excitement aren’t just disused musty old ideas but that’s simply not true. I’m thinking – planning maybe – about when it is that I’ll come alive – in a real sense, come alive and go-do-live. Probably in a year or two, I have ideas. Meantime I have anchors and a substantial weight on me, a gravity that keeps me home and so I stay home, we stay home."

--This is something that sounds nice right now. I am very certainly wishing I had spent more of my weekend at home, alone, or curled up with the kids, I'm thinking I need to just cave into these urges and get a cat and stay in more. And to stop thinking that there is anything wrong with that. I think that there are times in life for going out a lot and doing, and there are times for staying in and...being. And I am clearly in a time of being right now, and yet I push myself to keep 'doing' for the sake of...what? Appearing young? Not stagnating, I guess. I have little fear of that now, I know I won't/can't stagnate, and yet I am constantly fighting that in any case.