I don't actually think it is relationship-poisoning if you establish good boundaries from the beginning and make it clear why you need the space. I think that my problem in my current relationship was that I dove in full-force from the beginning and then had to do the pull-back thing, which was received with a certain amount of pain. But now that we are back on the right track, things are going well.

In my prior relationship (with J) he was probably even more solitary than I was, and that made it so that I was often seeking out his attention or time in the beginning. After a while we developed a rhythm that worked for us with spending time together and apart. Even when we were in the same house together, we'd often be doing separate things, which at times made me feel that we lacked intimacy, but I actually think that was because we *did* lack intimacy. If we could have had the same amount of time and space together/apart, but with more emotional intimacy when we were spending time together, it would have been a better situation for me & the relationship overall.