kingtycoon | (no subject)

I'm sleepy like a beatles song. I'm sleepy like you are when you haven't slept enough. I haven't slept enough. The clock-that's-in-me isn't right right now. I think I need to drink more.

Well no, I know I need to drink more, I just like to pretend that it's a sudden calming realization so that it doesn't seem like I'm an unrepentant alcoholic or something. Sure, I've got the right amount of regrets. Just the right amount. It's not those that keep me up nights you know. I'm glad of that anyway, that I don't lay in bed worrying or thinking about problems - maybe once or twice a year? I'm fucking chill. My problem is that my willingness to forgo wants is at odds with everyone else who seems to always want something from me. It's probably better to want things. I'll tell you something. Here. Here's how I've recently manifested each of the 5 Constant Virtues.

Rén - Some guy approached me and asked to buy a cigarette, I told him he could just have one. I don't need to be paid back for my charity, I'm cool with not expecting anything in return for my good deeds. This happens pretty often at bus stops.

Yì - Righteousness is hard for me just because I'm not in a lot of circumstances where my judgements or interventions are cause for much effect. I guess this comes up when I scold people who don't act right? Litterers.

Lǐ - My favorite and the hardest one. I will be a good son and go to Thanksgiving and I will be a gracious guest and a gracious co-worker. Subtle in my dealings and fair.

Zhì - Wisdom comes easy for me, insight is my strength, since I'm recumbent most of the time. Give good advice and listen when good advice is offered, that's me.

Xìn - Nope, I would not lie to you. No no no. I would not say something that wasn't true.

Okay, so I'm on top of how to act right, mostly, mostly. Got that down. Of course there's probably a long list of things you shouldn't do that I do actually do - but I like the list of things you aught to be mindful of accomplishing, rather than a list of proscribed behaviors in my orthodoxy.

Anyhow, I aughta be happier than I've been (except how the fucking nightmare-snow-sky won't let me). Here's what: Thanksgiving, will be great. I got a free turkey from work and carried it home on the bus. I won the raffle for free cav's tickets on Saturday - if you want to go to the Cavs game with me - hit me up? 4 seats, row 11.

You know, it's pretty good. I actually had a pretty jaunty spring in my step - and then, because of that, I hit my dumb old head on a doorframe.

Seriously I could just make a diary about my rapidly shifting moods and their relationships to my head hitting doorframes.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You gotta practice, that's all I can say. Not getting what I want is like my ongoing hobby, so you just practice letting go of those attachments. I imagine myself breathing out, really hard, and then taking the thing I want out of myself with my hands and then dropping it on the ground. This works for everything except cigarettes so far.

I don't know doll, I want plenty of things, and most of them all at once, but you get over it, eventually, and you notice when you want something that you want, right up until you have it and then you want what you had before. Yeah.

"You can get what you want and still not be very happy." That's a lesson you can learn no? I think I'm trying to explain all of this while I work it out for myself.