So to process the experience - I started writing journalistically again, about my life, and then I decided to break down the concepts into specific memories or experiences. I set each of these into an excel sheet where I can manipulate the sheet to display different autobiographical chapters. I think it will grow over time & I can make a random generator that fully describes my experience through time- I think it's kind of a component to a spell that makes someone completely understand me. I think, if I want to write & tell stories, it must be based on an impulse to be understood.

Anyhow, I'm going to make into a google doc that re-calculates a new chapter every day to see if it creates a descriptive total that conveys the experience of this particular loss.

Once I've got 40 or so paragraphs I'll configure it to sew them together randomly to see if it forms a meta-narrative that's self-descriptive.