Let me Explain Ghosts to You now.

Down under the world is the underworld where we live and there are three towns there that you can find.  Outside past the towns are hills that have rocks on them and dirt and then the world goes black like a curtain is hanging there.  That’s what we say is the Underworld.  The town I am from is not Splitsville but Splitsville is the version of that town that’s in the Underworld.  You can’t say that it’s the same because the Underworld is so different.  The sky is all shiny like a CRT turned off and so there are the lines that fall down it like clouds or rain they come – the sky is always falling but then the vertical hold and it’s rising, we all rise up into the Overworld.  That’s what we want but don’t do.  There are reasons.  There are so many reasons about being ghosts you wouldn’t ever understand.  You won’t understand if you become a ghost anyway but most people don’t get to be ghosts and live in Splitsville or the two other towns. 

There’s a river in Splitsville that goes to the lake, the lake is on the north side.  You can sit and watch where the water from the river meets the water from the lake – nothing moves because it’s the Underworld where everything is dead.  The river is dead so that the water is very still and bulges out at the edges.  The water is very silvery and lenses out and never moves so if you are very careful you can roll on top of it.  You still might drown but you would deserve to.  If you understood about Splitsville and how it is for ghosts – you’d know.  You might find out or you won’t, I’ll tell you about being a Ghost but first Splitsville. 

The sky is that vinyl color it’s like the interior of a car, it’s so shiny.  Everything is gray or grayer, and sometimes there’s black, past the hills where the town is over.  Splitsville has 26 streets that are so straight.  You can go and look at how well they made the streets from asphalt and the curbs are cut stone and the gutters are shallow and the drains are grated over with gray steel too.  It is so perfect that you would want to stay in one of the houses.  In the houses there’s always a television and it shines so bright that all the streets have silver shadows because of how ghosts see and care.  When you are a ghost you care so much because of how the things in Splitsville are the ghosts of things that are over.  Like you are.

Like the Television is a ghost and the town, how it is because they don’t make them like that anymore and they don’t make any cars like the ones that drive on Splitsville’s perfect straight roads – not anymore because of how roads are and cars as well.  You can’t come to Splitsville if you’re like the people that are born anymore but there’s always a way that used to be a way that people were but isn’t and then you have ghosts.  We live in the underworld because that’s where we live and not because of any kinds of facts about where ghosts live or anything people on the sunny side of the world think about ghosts.  They don’t make the people like that anymore, that know about ghosts. 

We watch the old TeeVee that no-one else ever will watch and think thoughts no one will think anymore because of dead things.

Nothing really moves and the cars are all dead cars and all the animals are the dead kind of animals that they don’t make anymore that are all claws and shells and fins as well that used to be that are the oldest ghost of all the ghosts.  Sometimes in the river there is still that fish, the wicked one that broke apart Splitsville, they say, because people on the top stopped saying it.  That fish is a wonder and delight.  Because people on the top don’t say that.

When people on the top used to care or think about ghosts then we had a different situation but our situation went to how it is when nobody thought about it like it is.  Ghosts only have dead things, that nobody wants especially thoughts so mostly I think about things that are wonderful like how to be a terrible friend and how to be a killer to my parents and magical happy thinking type ideas that people up under the sun don’t think.  So a ghost is the one who thinks the thoughts you used to think but nobody does because they got smart or wise and now are good but there’s a bad version of that person that is so shameful and that person lives in the Underworld at Splitsville and is a ghost -  anyway the ghosts have all your old shame thoughts that you put away and we live it up on your old way of living that is over.  The milkman comes and we all read the newspaper every day in Splitsville and there’s other things we do that you don’t because of how we hate the Indians and think that the world should be wrecked so we can have our own place on it just how we like.  That is why we love Splitsville and the 2 other towns. 

Anyhow people don’t think about ghosts now so the ghosts stopped getting thought but the Overworld.  Now all the ghost thoughts are dead and they come to us Ghosts so we can have them.  So we finally know about ghosts even though we never did before and thought the gray sky was right and listened to records that no one ever would again that are vinyl and cracked and broken so no one will listen like our old programs that no one ever will watch – test test test.  We were at the meeting to do pray against the witches in the town down a-ways and to bury a child in the bridge to death – when we knew that nobody thought about Ghosts – so we were free to be ghosts how ghosts are.