I'd like to see you try and stop me

Among the adventurous others my thesis is made plainly factual: I am relentless and cannot be stopped.

For posterity I'll mention that it snowed all last night and when I woke up there was no power or heat. Home from work and still no lights or heat. The power company's website says 11:59 tomorrow. I'm going to bed now because it's too dark to do anything else.

Dear livejornal. Amongst the lowlife a there's two types. Us lifers and the tourists. Now when you take out the tourists under your wing they'll be confused but the others know. The tourists think they'll drunkenly shake off the suburbs and might try and forget that you are pretty good at fighting. They'll be shocked by coarse language and surprised when you offer to defeat them in response to an I intended sleight. The others of the tribe know and can tell by looking that theroximituof tourists has turned your fists to hammers and your dick to rebar. They will k ow you by your masterful force and be unable to look you in they eye even after makeouts. Frustrated and hostile you might size up the effeminate little man at the bar thinking: alright. Fuck it. She'll do. And then, powerful, you'll be salvaged by the remembrance that you've an appointment with the dentist in the morning and beg off with just one scuffed fist, a scowl and a long walk home under the moon.

I mean... Does anyone even want one of these?

Cause I have a lot.

Everyone is going to see the GODDAMMED BROWNS today. I truly believe that blowing up the stadium and every fan there would be a less nihilistic act of terror and wickedness than was bringing them back to Cleveland in the first place. How I hate them.

I mean I guess if you're curious or maybe furious? This is where a guy dies I think. Outside my office. You can tell he died because of the smell. I walk here every day and all week long there's that death smell. Blood too but it rained a little.

I'm guessing a car wreck? Over the weekend.

There's a dumpster at the abandoned house across the street now where I guess they threw out all the stuffed animals and memorial candles for the girl who got beaten to death in the ditch out front.

You almost never see the same people on this bus because everyone on it is mostly indigent. The scrapyard see - you can sell cans and whathaveyou. I've seen the scrapers with a shopping cart trying to carry a big old radiator and couldn't figure out how they lifted it in the first place. The scrapers are all so god damned thin you can't even believe it.

There's this one stop that's designated by sign next to a big pile of rubble where some warehouse once must have been. It's a couple of acres of rubble just a stop ahead of where the Quincy station is and everyone always prematurely rings the bell for Quincy and I asked the driver - does anyone ever really get off here? At the huge rubble pile. He said no.

We laughed about this this is a joke between us about the rubble field.

The internet's all bananas about Detroit (pronounced Dee-troyd) so you'd think that everyone was shaking heads, thinking its a shame, saying who would ever get off at that rubble field?

To me there's the rubble field and then there's the rest of the country where stupid things happen to bad people who are oblivious to how bad they are. To me there's the rust belt and then there's some amorphous suburbanite abyss and often, usually, I'm shocked to despair that these are the people that set the standards and call the tunes. The wicked, awful people driving on the interstate and eating out every night and I get stunned, up and down and beat up all sideways to think about these are people I know and were all together in the same-whole thing at it does not at all seem like they are caught up in bleak scenarios about the cheapness of life and various omnipresent dangers and I just don't even understand how to even think about it being the same-whole thing when it's like comparing two cups where one seems half empty and the other is shattered and blood is falling out of it.

Man I don't know. I signed up on a new place to live and was all "now immediately" but I guess I have to wait till the end of the month. Meanwhile my roommate quit me and took the electric with him. Do I wanna sign up fora week of electric and then move or just sit in the dark for up to15 days? I can't tell between stoic pleasures and foolish irresponsibility.

The Juggler right? For a nice stretch work was quite calm. Peaceful even. Now? Not so much. I'm feeling kind of stretched and starting to have stress. I was getting many after hours emails last night about system falures and a BSOD and I was hopping mad. Not from being bothered but just- I take my users experience kind of personally. I hesitate to take on responsibility because I take responsibilities very seriously. Internalize them. Judge myself by how capably I handle them. It's allquite serious and hurried now and ive been feeling all put upon and dependable.

Anyhow. Good problems to have but precarious. There's a danger someone will be let down and I dare not allow it!

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