(no subject)

Plaid shirts and cubicles - that's me all day long. I guess. I've got a good thing going here, which is easy to not feel, when it's warm or balmy or the sky is friendly and good - then it seems like a prison or a trap. Often it's cold and unpleasant outside and I have gratitude that there is a place for me to be that isn't cold or unpleasant, but is merely boring. Tolerating boredom is such a strange thing. Some people have a lot of skill in that area, they're excellent at it, they make up games or have some kind of endurance test or seem to. They are obsessed with particulars and sort them out over and over, never making any mistakes, they strive for completeness and achieve it with great effort. For them the work is it's own reward, I'm sure of it.

I have sneaking suspicions about these people, I believe that they are able to fall asleep at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning, they are never late barring catastrophe, and their bills are paid in advance every month. These people seem like they belong, and it seems, to me- from the outside, that they are the ones who run everything and that everything that is run is run for their benefit. I feel this way because I'm not like them.

I don't want to sleep, or I do, but when I want to and not when I need to. I don't want to go to bed, except in the early morning, or the middle of the afternoon, I don't want to go to work except that I don't have anything better to do. Or anyway, I need to get paid and none of the things I'd rather do will pay me, so I go to work.

After work tonight there is a class that I'll go to with my boss about integrating disparate data sets. I'm sort of enthusiastic about this. It's downtown and my boss will take me. I have to think about what I'll try to talk to him about in the car. He is always on time, he is details oriented, he is the reason that things work when you want them to work, he is exactly the person for his time and place. I will talk to him about work, most likely. I know that he might enjoy talking about politics, because he likes that, but he knows that I have different opinions than him, so it could go all kinds of ways. I really like my boss.

I was thinking about it, and I usually think that generally, here in the states, you can tell - when the parties are in lockstep, when they decide a thing between them that they are both committed to - that's the thing that's probably the worst thing. We must save investment banking, we must invade the fertile crescent, we must create jobs. I think about jobs a lot because of what it means, my job, I like it, but it's still a weird dependency that for whatever reason, the old government wants me to get involved with and follow. I take some time to google how much food I'd need to be able to make for myself, I google how I can make my own robots (working on one, maybe next year this time, there will be a robot, of a kind). I google how I can make or do anything on my own. It's nice to have a place to go that's warm and pleasant because it gets cold and unpleasant outside, but I think that it'd be better yet if I didn't have to do that, and could do for myself the things I'm paying for.

Probably it's because I don't have a whole lot of money, who does? Just enough, just like you and everyone else, just enough - so you have to put your mind to getting out of what you have more than what you need - fulfill those wants. So the internet gives me those details. I'll talk, if we talk about politics, how I'd rather if a politician came and said - here's my plan to get more people out of the workforce and into sustaining themselves. Here's my plan to create autarky.

It probably won't come up. But I like preparing for conversations I might have.

I like it here, just fine, but I don't want to stay here forever, I don't want to have a job forever. There are people though, they punch the clock just on time, they wake up at the same time every day, go to bed every night at the same time, loose themselves on the weekends and return to work. I think that the world is made for them or they're made for the world. I'm sometimes jealous, but not often, I have to remind myself that I'm fine, I'm fine - capable, to live and live pretty well in the world made for other people - capable, but that it's not bad that I'm not one of them, it's not bad and I'm not crazy, don't need pills, I'm fine, because I can wear the shoes even if they don't fit.