I gotta catch up!

Too Beard. I have let things go a little, it's true - but I've been, I guess busy! Busy for a change. It's so good that it is Spring. I go out, and I do. It's wonderful, I got out of jail. That is the feeling that prevails right now, escape, new chances, chances of any kind. Monday I had the nice-time despite the snowieness - the cold anyway and lived it up not too much - but tuesday was lovely and I had school after work. School! My job sent me to train at a big corporate park out in Beachwood - I'm going to get this supply chain management certificate - which is... Well I mean it is business school.

You know how if you follow a discipline that has a bunch of rigor and intellectual development over a few hundred years of sincere scholarship? Like, if you are an historian - there is a profound and intimidating body of work that you are expected to know and contribute to. But if you study business - oh man. At work you always think about how everyone could do things better but nobody does because of reasons. Then you complain or document or come up with some version of how it could be that would be better. Or you just straight up describe how your job works. And that's kind of what business school is all about - it's just - "Here's how things are done, we describe what we saw and fail to make any reasonable connection to anything outside this tiny segment of minutia that gets us payed! Really nothing is more laughable and sinister, to me, then the ongoing legitimization of business as a complex professional skill. Anyway I take this class on tuesdays now and ask a lot of questions - I'm the best student and no teacher wants me around. Learning! I love that shit up.

What else- oh I signed up for this service where a lady tries to pick out and send me an outfit every month. It's not going to go great, I can tell. She came at me with her ideas and I was all just... "Are these clothes for ants!" I wore my short-sleeved shirt the other day and that's fun - not being self conscious about cuff-lengths. Good think I got nice wrists, I guess. Wrists.

Plus, a lot of things that seem cool look clowny when scaled up. You gotta watch out.

Oh, so after school I walked a long way home down Mayfield, not the whole way but I was very energized and glad about the balmy dusktime and the easy wind on my back - Walking - Life - Resumption!

Weds was gaming, after work again - it was okay - when I get to the breakdown of what happened and the description of what I'm doing - then I'll post some of it up here - suffice to say, I felt like I was meeting my old bear pals at the fishing-hole. We all agree it's been a long hard winter - we've all been away, we've all been alone or isolated up. For real, it's been since November since I've even spoken to some of these guys - winter, damn. I didn't wear a coat today, my coat that was like - my life preserver - not even metaphorically I guess, I would have definitely died but not for my coat, I am almost ready to stuff $50 in the pocket and pack into the closet. Almost - it is Springtime in the Wasteland.
It turns on a dime.

I got home walking, a long way, miles, again - and talked to The Plainswoman - My Ocean, maybe My Sea - it's great talking to her, I Can't Get Enough. That's just how it goes though - I really can't get enough and it's clear I'll have to accept not enough. I still go to sleep late and smiling. Having crossed the river twice, dreaming.

Yesterday we finished up - 1 day late- decommissioning all the XP machines and that's a good feeling - having finished stuff up. Today I'm gonna be dusty and rough, carrying everything to the storeroom to fossilize. Last night after - I ran around with an old B - if not for old girlfriends I'd have way fewer friends. She's thawed from the winter too and I took her to supper and drank all the drinks. It was great seeing her. I gave her the whole scoop about The Woman on the Plains and she said what my other former girlfriends have said (and I love this, because it's validating and sweet) "Well when is she coming to move here?" Like, there's a native assumption among people who's hearts I've broken and still been sweet to that obviously someone should & would throw over their lives to be with me. Sweet. Of course that's not going to happen, and that's fine - but I was showing pictures, pretty drunkenly late at home, "see, look at her face! Look at her face!" and that got too much and I was immediately rendered maudlin and hysterical, I said - it's time for me to go to sleep - but when I said it probably sounded a lot like "You have to go now because I can't bear to have all these feelings in front of you!" A lot like that.

All's good by the light of dawn though, the rain is warm and not snow, the buses run on time, and there's useful work waiting for me to do.