Jan. 23rd, 2017

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Hey! We did a thing! Before Noon! On a Saturday!

If you're playing at home I make fun of and fuss over that kid because I'm genuinely proud of her all of the time and I want to help her motivate herself rather than just be bossed.

Or whatever. Sunday morning I was all grouchy when her friend called at 1:30 to invite her to do something and I had to go and wake her up to talk to him. Sleepy teen & the barely tolerant father - that's the story being written. Anyhow it seems she stayed up very late working on her animation so I... What are you gonna do right? Hard working on personal projects, missing sleep & etc... Cause at 2 in the morning I'm definitely sleeping so there's no chance I'll jump up and make her go for a walk or see the outside of her room.

...

For real I don't mind her ways it's just that I'm not equipped to be good at helping her when this is the way that she is - we're at a point where we've diverged and I...

So there's a lot to say about this - I tell her: "You know, I spent the last 10 years or so getting boring, learning to stay home on weekends and not go out late and not to be really out & social because I spend my time raising you. And now I'm in a place where I figure you'll just consider your pop to be dull & uninteresting - because that's how it goes right? They are trained to be dull for their kids' sake and then their kids think they're dull? But she's not ready to be real cool, or something?"

Did I tell you about her one friend's drunken gun-having mother? That had been her go-to sleep-over buddy and now it's forbidden that she be there because of all the drinks I had with the mother and her confessional exposition. You can't trust these people! These mothers. They're maniacs.

Sometimes the mothers would come over to my house, together, and nervously chuckle and trade glances and want to talk and talk to me for hours and look at all my weird shit that my house is full of - museum style. And what do you say to them? I get cues like they're waiting to be asked out or something - I don't ever know. Mothers!

Daughters!

There's confusing things about how to be toward people. Sometimes it's obvious & clear - you wake up and take the train downtown and chant against the asshole and the assholes who put him in authority. It's nice when what you ought to do is obvious & clear. Especially as it's been obscure anymore - or uncertain.

I'll get my footing again, act with certainty, be real certain.

February 2023

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