(no subject)

Pretty soon I won't just mix & match creatures to make an ugly chimera. But not today. Today there's a bullfrog/lizard with snakes for fingers. I think... You know what- Maybe this guy is 8 feet long? I think he's been cursed to be this way. Cursed! Yes. And his fingers are snakes That wriggle into the earth- no- into the rock, cracks in the rock, they eat up the spiders & whatnot that are found there. When the frog hops its snake-digits coil up like springs? Maybe. That's hilarious right? Anyhow, when it opens it's mouth I think you see a sad person inside who's kind of fused to the interior of the mouth - cursed. Probably that person screams a lot too.

I've lost the distinction between comical & horrible. I was thinking & saying to my DM friend - another old veteran: "You know, I bet we've graphically described hundreds of deaths & murders between us. Alone. D'ya think that's not good? Is it bad?"

Living in fiction you know, not because of a love of blood or violence or trouble, understand - just because those are easy ways to mark a conclusion - the end of the story - rewards & punishments. Solutions. When's the last time anything one's done has had results of one type or another? The power-fantasy isn't one of violent aggression - just of being able to move the dial and see that there is some weight to what one does.

I think I'll try & commit - maybe - to this current version of events - really acknowledge & accept - live inside this lived existence for a solid few years.

Shit, that sounds so resigned & spiteful. Sometimes I just think I aughtta be doing more than I am. But what?