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Dec. 12th, 2011 09:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingtycoonWhat I like least in me is that I surrender instead of trying. When trying doesn't offer an obvious benefit.
I'm trying to frame this a better way - a truer one. I don't want to end the year of Livejournaling in a bleak and unreconstructed tone. I'm not succumbing to sad-bastardy. It's... It's very different than that.
You know - I get paid, and I do my job and it's enough that there are presents under the tree - but not enough that if I got struck down by the illness I could go to say - the doctor. It's that situation - maybe you know it? Maybe. What it is is this - comfort but only to someone who's requirements run right up against the spartans. Leonidas is a hedonist compared to me, is what I'm saying. Also, probably actually and not just metaphorically. But yeah.
Brian M once famously said: "Kingtycoon? He's the perfect man, he's happy all the time, he's handsome, outgoing, interesting to talk to and he wants for nothing." Which is true in its way.
Wanting for nothing being fairly out of fashion.
Here are things I have seriously considered taking up this year:
Hoboing.
Sailing.
Food Blogging.
Romantic Love.
None of them stuck -but Hoboing is still up in the air - still an attainable possibility. I like to be realistic with my goals for the future. I like to have a stepped plan leading me ever closer to my final goal.
But something is missing, something is strange. I think I've lost something in me - something there is that doesn't love a wall - but something else that really, really needs one! There have been some people, good people, likeable people, compelling, decent - and they've reached out that hand of friendship - and... I mean I swatted it away, I had no interest. Not a big enough one. I thought about that. I thought about falling in on myself. Working from home is probably the worst thing that could have happened to me. A five hour daily commute on the bus - that would probably have saved my soul. Truth to tell, I think that I made a mistake. I went away from adventure and toward easy living.
Hoboing is still on the table. Pleasingly, it always will be.
I'm trying to frame this a better way - a truer one. I don't want to end the year of Livejournaling in a bleak and unreconstructed tone. I'm not succumbing to sad-bastardy. It's... It's very different than that.
You know - I get paid, and I do my job and it's enough that there are presents under the tree - but not enough that if I got struck down by the illness I could go to say - the doctor. It's that situation - maybe you know it? Maybe. What it is is this - comfort but only to someone who's requirements run right up against the spartans. Leonidas is a hedonist compared to me, is what I'm saying. Also, probably actually and not just metaphorically. But yeah.
Brian M once famously said: "Kingtycoon? He's the perfect man, he's happy all the time, he's handsome, outgoing, interesting to talk to and he wants for nothing." Which is true in its way.
Wanting for nothing being fairly out of fashion.
Here are things I have seriously considered taking up this year:
Hoboing.
Sailing.
Food Blogging.
Romantic Love.
None of them stuck -but Hoboing is still up in the air - still an attainable possibility. I like to be realistic with my goals for the future. I like to have a stepped plan leading me ever closer to my final goal.
But something is missing, something is strange. I think I've lost something in me - something there is that doesn't love a wall - but something else that really, really needs one! There have been some people, good people, likeable people, compelling, decent - and they've reached out that hand of friendship - and... I mean I swatted it away, I had no interest. Not a big enough one. I thought about that. I thought about falling in on myself. Working from home is probably the worst thing that could have happened to me. A five hour daily commute on the bus - that would probably have saved my soul. Truth to tell, I think that I made a mistake. I went away from adventure and toward easy living.
Hoboing is still on the table. Pleasingly, it always will be.
