kingtycoon | With a wink & a shrug (Reply)

It was my little niece's 3rd Birthday and she was wonderful. My little sister, this child's mother is... Oh man, I can't even get into my family and how everyone is another way than the others - but my little sister is very strictly opposed to the internet - let's put it that way. So this is a secret-secret post. I just wanted to show you all how cute this little niece of mine is, she's a delight.

Me? The internet is my hometown. My main neighborhood. It's gotten worse, sure - but there's still good areas - like Livejournal. Livejournal doesn't want to know my birth/slave name - they don't care about when I was born or where I work. Facebook sure does though and did this whole thing at me about trying to make me use the name my mother gave me - and so I quit that thing. It makes having meetups and parties more of a chore - but fuck 'em, I'm not going to make them content and go to the trouble of blocking all their ads and trackers anymore! Good riddance.

Now, this young girl & me had a pretty exceptional time together for the past few days. It's been really good - nice dinners, plenty of activity - books to read & places to walk & be. It's been greater than normal. I won $100 at work for naming a product & spent the whole thing on art-supplies so we can art it up.

I'm not quite burning out on game-design but - I do want to take a break. I need to readdress work thoughts & work activities so I'm focusing back on that till the end of summer, but I'm still caught up in the idea of my game design.

Here's where I am at with it all in terms of projects slated for 2015 completion:
51.51 - Which is a campaign setting that I believe will be produced in a box-set arrangement. I'm working on foldout maps & accessories. Printing ain't cheap.
52.46 - Ditto - this one is probably a lot bigger but with much less written detail - it's supposed to be a larger setting but with a few hooks for competitive play & in-setting stronghold building. In testing it's gone very quickly toward that.
00.01 - The Fabulous Unknown City - which is always kind of being worked on - I'm not persuaded that it'll be finished enough to be finished by the end of the year - but you never know - something amazing could happen and I could stay home and write all day instead of working.
Spellbook - I'm about halfway through that - but it takes up a lot - what with all the spellbooks I make. It's interesting - and compelling to work on the other styles of, well, wizardly-scrapbooking? Whatever you want to call it, it's fun but consuming.
NaNoWriMo - So I've read through all my Klial books, they're not good - parts have charm, and parts I do believe in - so I'm rewriting all of those & I think into a coherent volume or two. I see why books are always 10 years in the making now.

You know - when I was young I had what we called the 20 Year Bitch - I remember turning 20 alone and far from everyone I really liked getting hammered on Mad Dog (GPK) and just feeling like life had passed me by and that I'd squandered everything and had nothing. Which is a crazy thing to think when you're 19 going on 20. That's crazy right? But I felt some kind of absurd pressure to do things.

Now I do things and I feel like I'm under pressure to do them well. It's my problem, maybe not uncommon - but my ambitions far exceed my ability. I imagine the reverse of this would be terrible - as it is, I've put together an amiable relationship with my own mediocrity - I'm pleased by work of striving, even if I wonder, really, what it would be to do something actually great.