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Jul. 29th, 2015 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingtycoonA July can't go by but you will feel that it was somehow wasted. It comes & goes with a terrible swiftness. Not, you understand, that regency sense of terrible, but like - Epuvantable - angry unpleasant french versions of terrible. And yet, this is the height of summer, the deep-hot-good hours that make everything a waking dream, like there is a peacock unfurling its tail inside your heart, like you are made magnificent & tough but that also, you could and will be plucked bare, in just a little while. The world is spinning up toward summer's end & the cold grip of winter reaches across autumn and lets you know - it won't be long now.
So there's a pathology and a driving desire, you get it? To live it up all through the summer - these high-hot days at the apex - and anyhow you have to work instead.
Under the fucking fan.
In the fucking air conditioning.
In the windowless room.
Summer break should be real, forever, for everyone. It's damned foolish that I'm at work just now- but then, the beach is kind-of closed - though the details of it's closing have eluded me, or escaped me - or anyway I didn't really pay attention. Not that closed means the same thing - to you or me - I mean, who's going to say "Don't go to the beach, don't go in the water." Sometimes someone will say it, but you can make your scornful glance and not even say, not even have to explain: "I"m going to do what I want."
But then it's what it is, that there's work & you must work - because of... I kid of forget about it actually. Do I work at a job so that I can continue to afford working at a job? I feel like it, often - well, in the summer. Come the winter you remember, that you do this so you won't die. But in the summer, you can't excuse this nonsense - die? It's summer, the world is good, it loves & will keep you, without cares.
Stupid cares are all I have just now. Stupid cares.
So there's a pathology and a driving desire, you get it? To live it up all through the summer - these high-hot days at the apex - and anyhow you have to work instead.
Under the fucking fan.
In the fucking air conditioning.
In the windowless room.
Summer break should be real, forever, for everyone. It's damned foolish that I'm at work just now- but then, the beach is kind-of closed - though the details of it's closing have eluded me, or escaped me - or anyway I didn't really pay attention. Not that closed means the same thing - to you or me - I mean, who's going to say "Don't go to the beach, don't go in the water." Sometimes someone will say it, but you can make your scornful glance and not even say, not even have to explain: "I"m going to do what I want."
But then it's what it is, that there's work & you must work - because of... I kid of forget about it actually. Do I work at a job so that I can continue to afford working at a job? I feel like it, often - well, in the summer. Come the winter you remember, that you do this so you won't die. But in the summer, you can't excuse this nonsense - die? It's summer, the world is good, it loves & will keep you, without cares.
Stupid cares are all I have just now. Stupid cares.
