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Oct. 5th, 2017 08:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingtycoonOh, so here's a story.
On sunday Agatha made plans to go and see a friend of hers who lives a little far away but not too far, and in a part of town that's not too too familiar - so I said, I'll walk you over and then you can call your mom when you want to get picked up - since she'd go with her mom sunday evening anyway.
It's not a too long walk but it's not short either, about half an hour - and into the fancy part of town. My neighborhood has all the rich & poor all together, it's nice & integrated & I like that -but we're walking past some mansions on the way - working fountains in the driveway, wrought iron fences - carriage houses - that type of thing & I'm all thinking - well you know a rich kid now huh? We talk, because we always do and I try to get a bead on who this kid is, that we're going to see. She's got few answers, they met at art camp & that's kinda it.
We knock on the door and this extra young seeming very transparently lesbian girl comes to the door & I say goodby to A, who's jumpingly eager to go off with this girl & I walk home all thinking.
I mean - what? Over the summer she told me, Agatha told me, that probably she's very gay. I didn't like that! I mean... Okay - I wasn't mad or anything, I was right about it, to her. And I think it's fine. It is fine, but I felt a way that wasn't super positive or whatever & I felt really that I had to look at that a lot. Wha'ts my hangup? What's the problem here? I go for drinks with lesbians and talk to them about it. How come this bothers me? I land on a little of a and a little of b. A being - growing up is deciding things like this - what you will & won't do, and it means that there's about half of all the options that could be now not - so it's almost, to me, who's an imaginer, like half the fantasy future Agatha's just dried up and blew away. You don't like seeing your kid with fewer options. That's A. Column B is the whole thing of her as a person who pursues & interacts in a romantic plane - it's all good naturally, but it's also... Well, there's a lot of next level complicaitons that come up out of this. When it's real & known. Now there's gonna be girlfriends in my life via hers, dats & talks of dates. Anyhow I got over being a little not into it and landed on being great. I always end up there, but you know - you gotta examine who you are every few miles, regular maintenance.
Anyhow - I'm walking home through the rich neighborhood thinking - "did I just take my kid to some kind of sex rendevous?" Cause... There's something a bit too pimp-ish for me in that. Like. I don't want to be a dude who is giving my kid to people to get with... or somethng. Or something. I dunno - you should have to figure out how to get laid on your own, without assistance etc... Or anyhow, you shouldn't be getting with a girl if your dad has to take you to her mom's house? Or... Shit! Complicated to think about.
Anyhow - I think it through & wonder what's the scoop. She comes over today & we're hanging out and I mention at her - I said - "Are you into that girl romantically? I figured it was friend-times but I saw that girl and was all - whaaaa?"
And she gets agitated & excited and is all - "I thought it was! We were talking on IM and everything and she invited me over...."
"I know - you didn't know anything about her - last name, where she goes to school. I realized that when you wanted to see her but didn't know anything about her - I mean, I've seen that a lot, that means you're attracted to her." Which we laughed about.
"But I go there and she says she's got a girlfriend in North Carolina and I didn't want to be that guy."
So I tell my kid the facts: First - Be that guy. Don't cheat on your lady but don't be some hero for an unknown person. You don't have to follow any code to protect far-off strangers. Second - What's really going on? You've got to confront new informaiton like that right out front - "Well if you've got a girlfriend what am I doing here?" Say that, just ask. "What are you trying ot accomplish?" And if she's bashful, or if she's playing at some game & you're not having it - there's the go-to (and I can't tell you if this works for lesbians - but it's code for me, law & code) When she says she wants to be friends, and don't lie, don't lie to women, that never works out, but say, if its true: "You don't have the qualities I look for in a friend."
So that's that. This is the conversation I have with my daughter now.
On sunday Agatha made plans to go and see a friend of hers who lives a little far away but not too far, and in a part of town that's not too too familiar - so I said, I'll walk you over and then you can call your mom when you want to get picked up - since she'd go with her mom sunday evening anyway.
It's not a too long walk but it's not short either, about half an hour - and into the fancy part of town. My neighborhood has all the rich & poor all together, it's nice & integrated & I like that -but we're walking past some mansions on the way - working fountains in the driveway, wrought iron fences - carriage houses - that type of thing & I'm all thinking - well you know a rich kid now huh? We talk, because we always do and I try to get a bead on who this kid is, that we're going to see. She's got few answers, they met at art camp & that's kinda it.
We knock on the door and this extra young seeming very transparently lesbian girl comes to the door & I say goodby to A, who's jumpingly eager to go off with this girl & I walk home all thinking.
I mean - what? Over the summer she told me, Agatha told me, that probably she's very gay. I didn't like that! I mean... Okay - I wasn't mad or anything, I was right about it, to her. And I think it's fine. It is fine, but I felt a way that wasn't super positive or whatever & I felt really that I had to look at that a lot. Wha'ts my hangup? What's the problem here? I go for drinks with lesbians and talk to them about it. How come this bothers me? I land on a little of a and a little of b. A being - growing up is deciding things like this - what you will & won't do, and it means that there's about half of all the options that could be now not - so it's almost, to me, who's an imaginer, like half the fantasy future Agatha's just dried up and blew away. You don't like seeing your kid with fewer options. That's A. Column B is the whole thing of her as a person who pursues & interacts in a romantic plane - it's all good naturally, but it's also... Well, there's a lot of next level complicaitons that come up out of this. When it's real & known. Now there's gonna be girlfriends in my life via hers, dats & talks of dates. Anyhow I got over being a little not into it and landed on being great. I always end up there, but you know - you gotta examine who you are every few miles, regular maintenance.
Anyhow - I'm walking home through the rich neighborhood thinking - "did I just take my kid to some kind of sex rendevous?" Cause... There's something a bit too pimp-ish for me in that. Like. I don't want to be a dude who is giving my kid to people to get with... or somethng. Or something. I dunno - you should have to figure out how to get laid on your own, without assistance etc... Or anyhow, you shouldn't be getting with a girl if your dad has to take you to her mom's house? Or... Shit! Complicated to think about.
Anyhow - I think it through & wonder what's the scoop. She comes over today & we're hanging out and I mention at her - I said - "Are you into that girl romantically? I figured it was friend-times but I saw that girl and was all - whaaaa?"
And she gets agitated & excited and is all - "I thought it was! We were talking on IM and everything and she invited me over...."
"I know - you didn't know anything about her - last name, where she goes to school. I realized that when you wanted to see her but didn't know anything about her - I mean, I've seen that a lot, that means you're attracted to her." Which we laughed about.
"But I go there and she says she's got a girlfriend in North Carolina and I didn't want to be that guy."
So I tell my kid the facts: First - Be that guy. Don't cheat on your lady but don't be some hero for an unknown person. You don't have to follow any code to protect far-off strangers. Second - What's really going on? You've got to confront new informaiton like that right out front - "Well if you've got a girlfriend what am I doing here?" Say that, just ask. "What are you trying ot accomplish?" And if she's bashful, or if she's playing at some game & you're not having it - there's the go-to (and I can't tell you if this works for lesbians - but it's code for me, law & code) When she says she wants to be friends, and don't lie, don't lie to women, that never works out, but say, if its true: "You don't have the qualities I look for in a friend."
So that's that. This is the conversation I have with my daughter now.
