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kingtycoonI sort of dread wednesdays & dungeon of the mad mage. When the game isn't what you'd like it's your duty to improve it & for me, that usually means jumping up to run it. But Mad Mage is not the thing I'd have chosen for myself to run - It's not bad but it's not me. Dungeon Crawl isn't something I dislike by any means- but it's just endless. I like the endurance aspect - and truth to-tell I'd really be happier playing it than running - the squirrels- the wednesday group - we've done a lot of canonical adventures - Strahd, Tomb of Horrors - those types of things & this is what the team is all about, we dominate hard modules together as hardcore old-school grognards & there's a certain satisfaction in that. Inasmuch as people can be said to be good at playing D&D we are good at playing D&D. But still... I look at this as my own kind of challenge. To run the thing that aughn't be run. Endurance & expertise tests, fine. Just fine.
In a similar vein I'm playing out the end of the winter on old fallout 4. For a while I've just kind of fucked around on the xbox to kill time & waste my life. You know - like one does. But I got motivated to break up with her and put together a plan of what spring/summer will be with the electronic girlfriend put away. To that end I'm gonna relive the old times by playing fo4 to completion right up until then. I put it on the hardcore mode with survival mechanics & a few other self-imposed limits & then I'm just gonna try to 100% it up till the 21st. Maybe it'll be like those stories of angry parents forcing their kids to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes when they find they've been smoking? Maybe it'll force the sickness. Anyhow, plans.
Once you've decided to try to accomplish things in an abstract sense you have to kind of narrow down the focus & think about what types of things you hope to accomplish. I have a spring-summer agenda, formalizing as I go - I think it'll be pretty fancy. I have hopes and a plan in support of them. Drawing - a lot of that, and dreaming - I will work hard on this idea.
Yesterday I got invited to a white-hat kinda event, really a sales pitch at the hilton downtown. It was neat - some Kali Linux training, that type of thing. Really good food & lots. I'm halfhearted proud of my hobo-like stance. Taking the bus to the fancy ballroom & eating up like a vagrant off the streets. Nothing too weird in the IT world though - that's a fine world with unstylish people. When your lanyards are accessories...
It was neat to go downtown in a work capacity & see the fancy style of work that others have. I mean - most of the others were in from out of town - the not-cleveland country of ohio that I can't really conceive of as a place where things are accomplished that aren't agriculture or drug abuse related. So there's that patina of urban sophistication that clings to one & makes you feel like a bigshot.
Earlier - A has a class & another pseudo-class down at the art museum on Saturdays. It's kind of great but then - kind of a drag as well because she wakes up too early & doesn't really get nutrition during this - so when I go to get her & want to wander the museum & see the things, she's not into it, too hungry, too tired. Too teenaged. So we go home & she chills. Chilling is her way. Too young to drive too old to just follow her old man around the world - kids. 15 in winter must be a tough time. I'm trying to remember & all I can recall is painting minis & working all the time.
My mom asked me if I had a happy childhood. I know why. I turned my sister on the raised by narcissists subreddit - I know she gets a lot out of it. Poor, crazed sister. I told her, mother, when she asked that I didn't really think I had a childhood to speak of & then tried to talk about something else. Brother similarly waved her off. I dunno why sister wants to press the point except out of her own personal distress over her marriage ending. The three of us are together on friday - surprisingly & the 3 of us barely talk, don't have any conversation - but break off into surreptitious 1 on 1 times that go nowhere & in which nothing is said- possibly it's a reflex to avoid commenting in front of mother? I can't say. I am always sort of surprised by the both of them having distress over their breaking up marriages. I keep thinking - "Well you're not married anymore so why are you sad!" Because being married = the worst thing that has happened or could happen to a person based on my experience. But I forget that there are feelings that people have & that they go into these affairs with them. I have a hard time remembering being truly sad about breaking up. It's been a long time since the end of a relationship really got to me in a real way.
In a similar vein I'm playing out the end of the winter on old fallout 4. For a while I've just kind of fucked around on the xbox to kill time & waste my life. You know - like one does. But I got motivated to break up with her and put together a plan of what spring/summer will be with the electronic girlfriend put away. To that end I'm gonna relive the old times by playing fo4 to completion right up until then. I put it on the hardcore mode with survival mechanics & a few other self-imposed limits & then I'm just gonna try to 100% it up till the 21st. Maybe it'll be like those stories of angry parents forcing their kids to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes when they find they've been smoking? Maybe it'll force the sickness. Anyhow, plans.
Once you've decided to try to accomplish things in an abstract sense you have to kind of narrow down the focus & think about what types of things you hope to accomplish. I have a spring-summer agenda, formalizing as I go - I think it'll be pretty fancy. I have hopes and a plan in support of them. Drawing - a lot of that, and dreaming - I will work hard on this idea.
Yesterday I got invited to a white-hat kinda event, really a sales pitch at the hilton downtown. It was neat - some Kali Linux training, that type of thing. Really good food & lots. I'm halfhearted proud of my hobo-like stance. Taking the bus to the fancy ballroom & eating up like a vagrant off the streets. Nothing too weird in the IT world though - that's a fine world with unstylish people. When your lanyards are accessories...
It was neat to go downtown in a work capacity & see the fancy style of work that others have. I mean - most of the others were in from out of town - the not-cleveland country of ohio that I can't really conceive of as a place where things are accomplished that aren't agriculture or drug abuse related. So there's that patina of urban sophistication that clings to one & makes you feel like a bigshot.
Earlier - A has a class & another pseudo-class down at the art museum on Saturdays. It's kind of great but then - kind of a drag as well because she wakes up too early & doesn't really get nutrition during this - so when I go to get her & want to wander the museum & see the things, she's not into it, too hungry, too tired. Too teenaged. So we go home & she chills. Chilling is her way. Too young to drive too old to just follow her old man around the world - kids. 15 in winter must be a tough time. I'm trying to remember & all I can recall is painting minis & working all the time.
My mom asked me if I had a happy childhood. I know why. I turned my sister on the raised by narcissists subreddit - I know she gets a lot out of it. Poor, crazed sister. I told her, mother, when she asked that I didn't really think I had a childhood to speak of & then tried to talk about something else. Brother similarly waved her off. I dunno why sister wants to press the point except out of her own personal distress over her marriage ending. The three of us are together on friday - surprisingly & the 3 of us barely talk, don't have any conversation - but break off into surreptitious 1 on 1 times that go nowhere & in which nothing is said- possibly it's a reflex to avoid commenting in front of mother? I can't say. I am always sort of surprised by the both of them having distress over their breaking up marriages. I keep thinking - "Well you're not married anymore so why are you sad!" Because being married = the worst thing that has happened or could happen to a person based on my experience. But I forget that there are feelings that people have & that they go into these affairs with them. I have a hard time remembering being truly sad about breaking up. It's been a long time since the end of a relationship really got to me in a real way.
