Another Year & Make A Change
Dec. 20th, 2019 01:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingtycoonYesterday the sunrise was like a face pushed into the sky, searing through the clouds & breaking it into clods of dark riven by gauzy red light. Today I didn't see the sunrise. The sky is inconstant & commonly an adversary. The moon is waning now & the sky is a fence of clouds that hold it like a million hands. That's the sky lately.
It seems like a kind of fort that cosmic forces seek to breach. That's what it is.
I'm pretty displeased with the course of events. I think that there's a lingering sense that cannot be shaken off easily that can't be broken by idle returns to easier thoughts. No amount of distraction is going to shake this displeasure off. I think it needs concentrated & persistent action, concentration is what's called for. A fence to guard against uncontrollable energies.
The way I see it is this - the unfiltered-unalterable - that is the persistent chime of current affairs, of news & information & weird lore is all too much. All Too Much. So I should fortify. I think.
I should build better walls & spread stronger roots. So I'm thinking of the changes that I can make. Concentration & effort - see. My plan right now is to try to read 100 books next year. I don't think it'll be a personal best, but it'll be a lot more than what I've done in a long long time. I think it's a better world, curated & carefully assembled by the clever will of a creator instead of being exposed allatime to the perspective-free whim of the news. I'm doing this plan as a way of being healed.
At dinner Agatha isn't feeling well. Last night. We go to Tommy's because that's where we go. It's crowded in a way that it hasn't been in some time. It's crowded & we have to wait. I show her how the pokemon phone game is different now & you can pet your pokemon & feed it poffins & that's nice. It's nice. The Miracle, my bulbasaur starter is my pokemon buddy & always has been. I think that game is just okay but pokemon is a fun thing me and kid have between us. For once, while waiting, we notice the specials posted up at Tommy's. Cinnamon Ice Cream. A particular black swan that perpetually attracts our interest.
"You can ask & maybe they'll make you a cinnamon milk-shake." Which they do. Agatha isn't feeling well though & she says cheerily (she's a cheerful person) "I can't even taste it really." So I pour out some vinegar in the napkin - "Here, sniff this a little & maybe it'll clear out your l'il nose." It sort of works.
At dinner we talk a bit & have a nice time but Agatha is sick. We talk about inventing a different kind of cinnamon ice cream. I have a weird realization that I full & well know how to make ice-cream with a paint can and a mason jar. We make a plan to try experiments in this vein over the weekend. I tell her that I think it's good if we do-a-thing. I idly suggest that I should make a change. "I'm getting too weird. Isolated. I was talking to people & realized it. I think I'm gonna try and go on 30 dates this year." Just a number pulled out of... Where? I think I met someone with a similar goal somewhere. Why not aim for what you hope to hit though? So I gotta build up connections & interactions, get less weird, get more careful about the kinds of thoughts I invite in. Get more good.
So that's the way of focused, determined attention.
It seems like a kind of fort that cosmic forces seek to breach. That's what it is.
I'm pretty displeased with the course of events. I think that there's a lingering sense that cannot be shaken off easily that can't be broken by idle returns to easier thoughts. No amount of distraction is going to shake this displeasure off. I think it needs concentrated & persistent action, concentration is what's called for. A fence to guard against uncontrollable energies.
The way I see it is this - the unfiltered-unalterable - that is the persistent chime of current affairs, of news & information & weird lore is all too much. All Too Much. So I should fortify. I think.
I should build better walls & spread stronger roots. So I'm thinking of the changes that I can make. Concentration & effort - see. My plan right now is to try to read 100 books next year. I don't think it'll be a personal best, but it'll be a lot more than what I've done in a long long time. I think it's a better world, curated & carefully assembled by the clever will of a creator instead of being exposed allatime to the perspective-free whim of the news. I'm doing this plan as a way of being healed.
At dinner Agatha isn't feeling well. Last night. We go to Tommy's because that's where we go. It's crowded in a way that it hasn't been in some time. It's crowded & we have to wait. I show her how the pokemon phone game is different now & you can pet your pokemon & feed it poffins & that's nice. It's nice. The Miracle, my bulbasaur starter is my pokemon buddy & always has been. I think that game is just okay but pokemon is a fun thing me and kid have between us. For once, while waiting, we notice the specials posted up at Tommy's. Cinnamon Ice Cream. A particular black swan that perpetually attracts our interest.
"You can ask & maybe they'll make you a cinnamon milk-shake." Which they do. Agatha isn't feeling well though & she says cheerily (she's a cheerful person) "I can't even taste it really." So I pour out some vinegar in the napkin - "Here, sniff this a little & maybe it'll clear out your l'il nose." It sort of works.
At dinner we talk a bit & have a nice time but Agatha is sick. We talk about inventing a different kind of cinnamon ice cream. I have a weird realization that I full & well know how to make ice-cream with a paint can and a mason jar. We make a plan to try experiments in this vein over the weekend. I tell her that I think it's good if we do-a-thing. I idly suggest that I should make a change. "I'm getting too weird. Isolated. I was talking to people & realized it. I think I'm gonna try and go on 30 dates this year." Just a number pulled out of... Where? I think I met someone with a similar goal somewhere. Why not aim for what you hope to hit though? So I gotta build up connections & interactions, get less weird, get more careful about the kinds of thoughts I invite in. Get more good.
So that's the way of focused, determined attention.
