(no subject)

I went back to this picture because it summarizes my mood even if it does recapitulate my missing hair-halo. I don't miss looking like elvis and superman's brother - but amusingly - I still wear those glasses.

Life is really weird everyone. You know, I think about it - I mean - that's my thing. I think about it. Reading Zizek now - I'm indifferent to diacritical marks because I'm a native speaker of english - but I like... I like that I knew and understood his meaning before I really grasped how among the hip thinkers of the now that he's the rising son. Theorists man - they're an easy nut to crack - just, you know, vet the creme of your fifteen year blog project and you've got it- the calculated results of the intellectual hierarchy's inquiry. Seriously - I think I've quoted Brecht once or twice in my livejournaling.

So... November was for writing and it was written, december, now, the rain... Look. Look - I was not this person, I didn't nail the iron nail into the old oak tree - I didn't plot the stars or put nicks in the ishango bone - I wasn't amn't this person - except that the livejournal - the livejournal is my Groundhog shadow. I see and think and know - more about winter than I ever knew or wanted.

Not true at all. And really - the opposite - I used to be well broken, but learned to be getting better - because I paid attention to moods and the affect that the 7 years of darkness play.

So here is a story of what has happened -

Except that it is shameful to relate. Livejournal is hard! Because of all the feelings I've come to care about and the people I must protect. This - this I miss. Callow, unremitting narcissism.

Not, mind you, not that I'm not still a science fiction novelist (and thus irreproachably narcissistic) but - but there are these people. Oh they love me, and who wouldn't? But they love me. So keep mum, that's the word

(no subject)

ah, yes - so here is the kind of amazing thing that did happen. As is often the way of people there are many engagements on a saturday that'd be fun as heck to go and do. But as you may know- for the past 7 years I don't really do anything with others on Saturdays. Except if I make arrangements otherwise - and this last saturday I did.

My mom is always desperate to get her mitts on my kiddo and that's generally acceptable. A loves her grandparents and hey, so do I. But there have been some... problems. Lately, for example, Agatha has not stayed with Gram and Gramp - owing to an episode over the summer where they went and took her to do something I expressly asked them not to - and that thing is Church.

Again - I have a lot of ideas and feelings re- church, but my mother's church is a very, very evil place that is full of the evangelical. She carries water there and so enjoys it, but I broke up with that joint in my 10's and it's actually only been in his latter day defeats that my old pop has sought succor there. Something-something prayer & scoundrels.

So asking mother to take on the cub for a saturday night - it means a sure-thing visit to the old church. A sacrifice! Made in the name of everyone's better time.

Well mother comes over and has brought a bounty, a prize. Something from one of her storage lockers - a big nice love seat and won't I help her bring it up? I carry it out of her truck and up the steps and into the vestibule - cause I am strong and then she bends to pick a speck from its fiber. "Just some leftover poison." She assures me. Well I set it all right in the vestibule.

"Poison you say?"
"too kill any mice that might have come into it."
"Oh, well I'll need to check about that, what kind of poison?"
"Only bleach and water!" But there has been a smeary pellet! I seeeeeen it!
"Bleach and water?"
"Yes."
"To kill mice?"
"What's the problem here?"
"Well I want to leave it out of my house until I make sure it's safe to have around people. so what kind of poison is it?"
"D-Con."
"Okay, well give me a few minutes to look it up."
"No, let's put it in your room now, I want to do that."
"Okay, well hold on and we'll see give me a minute."
"What's the problem now?"
"Well I'm not sure I want this couch if there's poison on it, I have to check."

So there, in the lobby she wants to lose/loose her temper and start harranguing me - so I dismiss her saying - "there's no yelling at me." Which is a FACT. So the couch is restowed in her truck silently and then I go back to my rooms where Agatha is drawing herself as the various types of bender earth air fire... And Ron is playing the Old Republic.

Then without being buzzed up comes gramma! Sneaking through the building. My co-habitants have a nasty habit of letting crazy ladies come into this building when I don't want them around. Well, she sweeps into the house as we're setting up for Christmas - tree, lights, etc. It's very, very uncomfortable. She asks if I want her to leave, I say it would be best if she did.

It's common to have this sort of fight with my mother - most people do, she's very temperamental and emotional. I don't think much about it except that it all happened right in the middle of holiday time - so something may have to give between now and christmas. Who knows. Poisonous sofas! And not waiting to check! No time for checking, get that poisoned sofa in your house now! Now!

When people are impatient and pushy - that's what I won't have. Doesn't work.