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Suspended in Solution
Oct. 26th, 2014 08:54 amSome solutions end up presenting themselves you know?
So I'm antagonized about going to my brother's wedding - not because I don't want to go to a wedding but because I don't want to go anywhere that involves deadlines, preparedness & logistics. That's just me - I get resentful when I feel like I'm being made to perform in some way. More than that - Danielle is throwing a big party for Halloween - she always does, so that's not news, and usually I try to be out of town anyway on Halloween for pretty much that reason. It's a kids' holiday so A should roll with her sister and her pals, that's fine. But back in July when I got invited to a wedding on that weekend I knew how it would go. I threw this out there then and warned and advised all over the place - and... Well, Danielle hears what she wants to. Naturally last week it occurred to her, finally, that Agatha would be going with me over Halloween to this out of town wedding, and naturally she started finally reacting to this and texting me like crazy. So I got agitated because what the fuck!? I know! I've been saying this for a while. And so I try and figure out a new way. I have to be there friday to hang out with my brother & his friends and his wife & her friends - in downtown columbus. During the weekend of a buckeye's home game. I don't really want to rampage with a bunch of 20-something girls in that town while my poor kid is stuck in a hotel room alone on Halloween - that's just shitty - but I gotta be there and it looks like no-one is going to give her a ride? I'm all over asking family if anyone is going to Columbus on saturday - I'm throwing out bribes - offering bounties. Someone's got to want to help out no? It's too big to miss but if no-one is going to be helpful I don't know what to do.
I've thought I might just rent a car and drive down and back and then back again over the weekend - which is whatever - the prospect of being in the car that much & having to spend all that dough on a car is really antagonizing me... And Grr.
It's a combination of many of my least favorite things, you get me? travel, columbus, cars, football. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a dog involved in some way. But I have to do something - I gotta figure this out. Probably it's just going to mean expense and effort on my part to make shit go off for everyone properly. That's just the way it is. I... I can't tell if I mind or what. I guess it's what it is, how it must be.
Anyhow, I dealt with it poorly on friday, let out all the feelings and brought youngster A down as we walked around and I burdened her with my burdens. There was sorrow and guilt and I was very ashamed. It came out alright the next day - yesterday - we had a chill, pleasing day of walking around and relaxing - which it turns out is pretty hard for either of us to come by lately. Now I feel better and I guess I'm putting together a rudimentary plan - to be concluded later in the week. It'll be solved. I was at the place for the rental tux and saw a new tuxedo I keep thinking about - and I figure, I'll get it for myself next month & everything will feel better.
I was moaning about this to someone else privately and I think I got more happy right then, that old thing about burdening others with your feelings so you yourself aren't burdened? Whatever it is, I hate that. When it happens I think people are childish and weak-willed. Complaining little nothings, with their petty concerns, easily thwarted through the application of some fucking resolve, some amount of character. So maybe I just needed to hear myself whine to remember what it sounds like - so I could recall that maybe I can be a goddammed hero and fix this nonsense on my own and not be pulled under. I'm impeccably capable after all, I'm astonishingly effective.
Beyond that I think sleeping enough is the real hero here. The radiators have all come on, and they're waking me at odd times, and keeping me from sleeping - but I know that'll pass soon enough - just the transition. Yesterday we walked around and I was infuriated by sounds- leaf blowers and sirens - I remember that I have to be assertive about going to the city council and writing them about the things that antagonize me. It's lucky that I'm charming and handsome and incisive, otherwise I'd probably seem like some kind of crazed crackpot.
So I'm antagonized about going to my brother's wedding - not because I don't want to go to a wedding but because I don't want to go anywhere that involves deadlines, preparedness & logistics. That's just me - I get resentful when I feel like I'm being made to perform in some way. More than that - Danielle is throwing a big party for Halloween - she always does, so that's not news, and usually I try to be out of town anyway on Halloween for pretty much that reason. It's a kids' holiday so A should roll with her sister and her pals, that's fine. But back in July when I got invited to a wedding on that weekend I knew how it would go. I threw this out there then and warned and advised all over the place - and... Well, Danielle hears what she wants to. Naturally last week it occurred to her, finally, that Agatha would be going with me over Halloween to this out of town wedding, and naturally she started finally reacting to this and texting me like crazy. So I got agitated because what the fuck!? I know! I've been saying this for a while. And so I try and figure out a new way. I have to be there friday to hang out with my brother & his friends and his wife & her friends - in downtown columbus. During the weekend of a buckeye's home game. I don't really want to rampage with a bunch of 20-something girls in that town while my poor kid is stuck in a hotel room alone on Halloween - that's just shitty - but I gotta be there and it looks like no-one is going to give her a ride? I'm all over asking family if anyone is going to Columbus on saturday - I'm throwing out bribes - offering bounties. Someone's got to want to help out no? It's too big to miss but if no-one is going to be helpful I don't know what to do.
I've thought I might just rent a car and drive down and back and then back again over the weekend - which is whatever - the prospect of being in the car that much & having to spend all that dough on a car is really antagonizing me... And Grr.
It's a combination of many of my least favorite things, you get me? travel, columbus, cars, football. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a dog involved in some way. But I have to do something - I gotta figure this out. Probably it's just going to mean expense and effort on my part to make shit go off for everyone properly. That's just the way it is. I... I can't tell if I mind or what. I guess it's what it is, how it must be.
Anyhow, I dealt with it poorly on friday, let out all the feelings and brought youngster A down as we walked around and I burdened her with my burdens. There was sorrow and guilt and I was very ashamed. It came out alright the next day - yesterday - we had a chill, pleasing day of walking around and relaxing - which it turns out is pretty hard for either of us to come by lately. Now I feel better and I guess I'm putting together a rudimentary plan - to be concluded later in the week. It'll be solved. I was at the place for the rental tux and saw a new tuxedo I keep thinking about - and I figure, I'll get it for myself next month & everything will feel better.
I was moaning about this to someone else privately and I think I got more happy right then, that old thing about burdening others with your feelings so you yourself aren't burdened? Whatever it is, I hate that. When it happens I think people are childish and weak-willed. Complaining little nothings, with their petty concerns, easily thwarted through the application of some fucking resolve, some amount of character. So maybe I just needed to hear myself whine to remember what it sounds like - so I could recall that maybe I can be a goddammed hero and fix this nonsense on my own and not be pulled under. I'm impeccably capable after all, I'm astonishingly effective.
Beyond that I think sleeping enough is the real hero here. The radiators have all come on, and they're waking me at odd times, and keeping me from sleeping - but I know that'll pass soon enough - just the transition. Yesterday we walked around and I was infuriated by sounds- leaf blowers and sirens - I remember that I have to be assertive about going to the city council and writing them about the things that antagonize me. It's lucky that I'm charming and handsome and incisive, otherwise I'd probably seem like some kind of crazed crackpot.
