(no subject)

She's off to circus camp now. Two weeks & this is the longest time I'll go without seeing or talking to her. I'm getting to work on a letter though - I write good letters. Make good letters I guess. Writing... So unambitious right? Took her unicycle to Vermont. What a kid I tell you.

Strange feelings though - freedom? Of a kind - it's weird. There's no sense of needing to be a place or available for a thing. There's a much lesser sense of being required. You learn how to help your kid grow up in time - it takes as long as it does & in my experience - at each of the milestones I've been ready. You see these things coming off on the horizon.

On the weekend I went to my mother's house and ran into my brother & sister & their daughters. Young Maya isn't quite ready for friendship - she's great, and barely talks. GiGi is still great & sweet, her birthday is this saturday next. She tells me she wants a zipline and pleads for her chance to go in the air & be worn as a hat. I put her in the air. It's my specialty. Supposedly she's not happy now, with her parents splitting up. I am. Glad to see that guy go. I think Sis is, but she's intense in a way that always seems a little hostile, she's not easy to talk to or know. Brother's marriage might have more left in it and might not either. He's alright either way. Seems happy.

Dad is happy. They've given him some kind of extreme opiates so that's no wonder. We put him in the chair to watch the world cup. He comes alive at some point, shouting for us - he wants us to know that that is him, on the screen, playing soccer. Like he once did. Damn. It's sweet & really sad. It sucks to watch. I talk with Mother for a long long time & she hedges close to asking me to move in with her & help.

She backs away though - in time for me to spare a refusal. I've given them enough of my life. That's where I stand. I've done too much for them on their terms. I have to live for myself at some point.

Someday. Right? Hah.

Walking there and back - or a good part of the way walking there's pokemon catching afoot, I fall in with a greasy crowd of parma nerds who help me complete raid battles successfully. It's kind of neat. I ride up the west side & linger in public square a while. The days are pretty & good. I go home & collapse when I want to, wake when I want to. It's the weekend.

Work again & I'm needed instantly - I laughed and laughed at a fool I work with because he whined to me regarding security settings. Like, whining/keening type of complaining. It was hilarious, but I was deemed improper for laughing at him. These idiots. They take trivial matters to mean life or death & matters of great importance they don't consider at all. Dopes.