kingtycoon | the wasteland calls to us all in its way

Today wasn't a very easy day. Oh - hey! Did I tell you? I went and got a job. Not a good job you understand, just a job. I didn't put off finding one, but people put off wanting to hire me, long enough, you understand, that I picked up the first one that came along. This particular job is a 2 hour busride into Painesville - about which - more in a moment. I'm game, you understand - we all do what we have to to live, eat and feed our dependents. So I'm not going to complain at all, or ever.

I really don't want to be a person who complains - about my own situation I mean. About the larger world - I feel like if you aren't complaining and thinking of another way - then you are the Problem. Just saying.

Anyway - today was my second day of doing this work, and I spend kind of a long time going out of the areas I'm comfortable in - those areas being those specific places that can be reached by the RTA dig? Dig. See I catch the 28 at 6:05 in the A.M. and it takes me down to the end of the county - just a couple miles down the way - it's the last bus in Cuyahoga alright. (I want to tell you how mad I am that Mozilla's spellcheck doesn't know about Cuyahoga). Anyhow- from there it's the Laketran - the weird, I dunno - novelty bus? of Lake County. I don't know - Lake County? I don't know. Their buses are smaller, and much, much cleaner inside - hardly any maniacs at all. The drivers are really friendly, like, super nice - and I was kind of noticing that when the weirdest thing happened. This lady got on with her two little kids - she was clearly going to work by way of the daycare - just kind of obviously dropping them off on her way - anyhow, the busdriver called these two little girls by name! And then one of the passengers did too! And then they all talked in a friendly, spirited way - mainly about the kinds of restaurants they like and used to like and then anecdotes about themselves - Neighborly Conversation my friends. I wasn't thunderstruck, but I...

I was thinking - something is terrible about lake county. I waited for a long time at the mall bus-stop to make my transfer - and the effing shelter has a heater. A heater that's operated by a button. You can just hit this button and get heated for a while. I was staring at this and this dude mentions to me in a convivial way - he's like: "Yeah, some kids were playing around the other day and hit that button - fools." Which, okay maybe that's true - but here are three things that are amazing about this conversation:
1) There is a fucking heater on the bus-stop
2) The guy told a story about people acting badly and he didn't swear or say a race slur
3) He didn't ask me for a cigarette.

At this point I was just freaking out trying to think about - what the hell is wrong with this place - why don't I love this?!

Then my lunch break. I went around this little town square and tried to think of mean things to think about it - problems about it - I mean, I guess I have some - half coherent criticisms - but they're... I mean, they're my usual criticisms about things in the US - not specific about Painesville or Lake County - but I was uneasy.

I started to notice it - all the cars - they're nice. I didn't see hardly any more than 10 years old. The people at the fast food place were super efficient about making coffee - heck, they had coffee prepared and ready to go, and they made eye contact with me and treated me like a patron. I was getting afraid. I was getting sad - I couldn't think about why I don't like being in that place - but I was trying. So hard.

After work I ended up walking a long way to get to a bank - down pleasant tree lined streets, past some weird, picturesque little university I've never heard of - across railroad tracks - obviously in regular use - and then I caught the friendliest goddammed bus again! Again. And it was late. Late in my favor. Concerns.

Dropped off at the county line, at the edge of Euclid, my town-for-now. Waiting on the RTA - late? Early? It's impossible to tell. "Motherfucking RTA runs when it wants to." Says the lady at the bus stop. Her kids are trying to get her attention. She isn't telling me that the Motherfucking RTA runs when it wants to - she's just mentioning this to herself. It's kind of true, I agree - she doesn't notice that I am there.

Anyway - I realize that I'm going to save busfare and walk home. More or less. It's hot! First day of summer! Real summer - and the sun setting was about as pretty as anything you could want. Pretty as when it came up over old Euclid ave this morning - I live my life on that street it seems. Interstate Route 20 - maybe it goes through your neighborhood too? Maybe. Anyhow! I was enjoying a long walk, admiring the grassy patches in the abandoned parking lots- where the flowers are growing. Looking at all the abandoned storefronts and trying to think of what kind of store I would open - if I could open a store - if I was going to open a store - how could I make the vacant storefront not vacant anymore? I think about this a lot - people tell me that is weird. Unamerican? Whatever- a beautiful, long walk - but I was still troubled - my interaction with Lake County was getting to me.

Then I went to the store to get some candy and something cold to drink. These Ethiopian guys are arguing. "Man, you got to get yourself a house, don't worry about shit."

"I never buy a house in Cleveland, man, fuck Cleveland."

I have to intercede here. I have to. "Hey man, don't say that!"

"What you like it here? Fuck you then, fuck Cleveland and fuck you buddy."

And suddenly I knew what stupid, awful Painesville is missing.