That's a dozen done, of dozens.

[kingtycoon]

Look at this idiot will you? What's he doing naked in the forest tying himself to two different trees?

The question of course is - what are you doing by not doing that? What's wrong with you that you can't try? Try anything.

The Hanged Man - is what I'm working from. It's the card that informs a book I remember really liking, but being strongly affected by as well. Actually I wouldn't mind reading that again. Maybe I'll try and get it. Anyhow. The hanged man is interesting for all kinds of reasons. On the one hand it's kind of a garbage pile for tarot meanings. Suspension, failure, traitors, failure, indecision. It's got a lot in there, but I think about Traitor. You know - you can tell how useful your divinatory tool is based on whether it would help out a king looking to behead some people. Traitor. I think about if I'll need to ever look for a traitor and if my finished cards will help me. Could be.


I have the fall here, and you can see that it is autumn-ish. But the idea is really that this guy has KOed himself trying something that looks stupid. But Trying -that's the main thing. A long time ago my father, who had a hard time understanding and then translating his understanding and finally communicating with me in any way - he told me "You never try because you're afraid to fail." Which - I have to say. My old pop is one of the greatest of all men, true fact, permanent hero of mine, but he never could figure me out. Cause true-fact, I think my problem is just how comfortable I am able to be with failure. It's basically something I don't even worry about. That's probably a problem right? Probably not helpful. But Trying- see you really do try your best, or close to it. You put that effort out there. Who knows what your best really is - I don't know? I have thoughts of untapped reserves of power and lifting cars over my head - to me - that's my best. I think of it. My adequate... Well you're looking at it.


Felt just bad today, malaise, guts wrenched, tired. Used up or spent. Wrote a lot, walked a lot, kissed and hugged and had some joy. But somehow catharsis is blocked, I'm blocked - up in my inmost-self. Something. Probably need more rest, or sandwiches. But in the meantime I still got this done, I'm still working through it - I'm still trying. It might be a nonsensical idea, it might be the greatest waste of time ever - but it's trying. You fall, you get up you repeat. The Fall is part of process.

Someone was asking me about victory, or a card about achieving goals. I don't think I will ever paint such a card, or ever use such an idea in my reading of them. Because Process is everything, the trying, the effort. What's the use of success? Of finishing? Except that you're free to try the next thing. The Fall represents an important point in the Process - the starting over.

Or the quitting. There is always quitting too.

Not that I will.

Comments

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

Something I should mention: I've been purposefully doing a very literal reading of the cards, for Oubliette. That is-- since the Major Arcana are the Trumps, the de facto gods of one of the dominant religious thought, I've been literally going with what is on the pasteboard. Card says Death, dude rides a pale horse. Blammo. Devil, blammo. Strength? Lady & a tiger, yup. Anyhow, this figure has recently risen in importance, the Hanged Man.

I'm curious that you didn't talk about The Fool -> The Magician -> The Hanged Man. Or maybe that is just me.