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May. 11th, 2013 09:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingtycoonOh where was I? Let's do a rundown - things have occurred. Let's see - the last thing, the last thing that's part of any personal narrative arc is that I had another date with that lady -and it was like the first one but this time I said - let's go to eat at this place and we did and I had a bunch of rye and there was a piano-man and I had old-people supper among old people at the piano-man restaurant and rye. It was a pretty good date, and then we went around and looked for dancing but mostly walked around in Lakewood where she lives and knows people. In the morning she was taking me home so I could catch a shower for work and then go to work and she was after me to have some kind of additional hangout later in the and I was like- I can't. This is all... what? Two weeks ago from Weds? I guess so - she wanted Friday Night or Weekend adventures - I was all... "Uhhhh."
Because of reasons. Like- over the weekend, that last one - my new roommate moved in, a little, halfway to a lot- who was my previous girlfriend this year but then became my platonic roommate but still she's the kind of roommate that needs an amount of attention - so I was "Uhhhh?" And then I said, no, I can't. And then she was like: 'What? Why not?" And I was: "Never question me." Then I had to back away from that because that's...
Really - Never Question Me. I hate that, I don't have to answer to you or another person ever in this life. I hate that.
But still, I do like her! Shucks, I felt rotten about it but still, like- I felt badly but didn't want to walk it back at all. I'm sorry that I can't hang out with you and I am not accountable to you to explain why not. So there! Anyway - I think later she felt badly about it all and I guess I did too. We tried to make another plan for the next Wednesday - which I was eager to do, but which also feels like an appointment - regularly scheduled, it doesn't seem like it's dating then, it's something less, Still, I wanted to go again - date 3. We've been having good dates, that's my opinion.
Still - on Friday I woke up at 8:30 and was dizzy and sick, I stayed home from work and all, considering I woke up already late to work and then there were mail-server issues and then I was like - copied on a million emails and could barely get up or do anything - and then my new roommate came over to move in and took me to the doctor and then I got pills for some kind of infection that happened to my ear and I wasn't all that well at all over the weekend.
Now it's another weekend! Shucks by I let things get away from me... Dope. So that was... Fine- it was fine, over the weekend. New roommate- real different than the old one. Nicer? Maybe a little, and like- more... Active? Antonio is the best, but also kind of I dunno, square? He's got a whole thing, and his girlfriend - well, Fiance now, he and her they don't go anywhere apart - not ever, so it's even like we don't hang out or have so much in the way of friendship - I'm happy for him to go his own way because that's what he wants to do, but I'm a little sad that he wanted to go his own way - if you understand. Nerds do that though - I figured it out - my nerd pals, they all fall deep in love and go crazy deep for commitments and marriage, in a quick fashion. I guess the lonesomeness monster is their monster to be weak against? Anyhow, I don't get that, but I do a lot of dating - because I like that. Together looks, from what I can see in the lives of others - pretty boring. Couples seem to always know a lot about television - is what I'm saying.
Not that I've got room you know - it turned out to be a dingy cold day today so I and my child just loitered lazily and played pokemon and knew about cartoons and that's that. Big-nice dinner I made ignored and uneaten. I'll just be, whatever, I'll be how I am.
Wednesday though I didn't date because my child needed me, she needed me to stay with her up and with her all the day long - we had a nice evening and I was well again by then, and am well now - well is a relative term though because this thing in my shoulder is starting to go pretty crazy and hurt too much and I think I'll just finally go and get that surgery where they cut your arm off. That one. I am ready.
Anyhow I didn't date and now I'm feeling half a heel because I can feel that I am letting someone go because I'm all in the middle of something (? I guess? I feel like I am - like I'm about to be in something?) and she's in the middle of all of it- everything busy - she's not gonna get caught up till halfway in June - I don't know- I like and enjoy her but also - I... Am lazy? I've got something going on I can't figure out.
Anymore, lately - I just want to really really be pretty much half lit. Like most of the time - and it doesn't hurt that I figured out this book I want to write this year, I have been working on it but not like - every day -- like you should, just some days - for example - when it's nice and I go down to the bar to scribble and scribe and drink beer and be glad. And anyway I wanted and had a lot of soda as well, and candy - I've been a candy fool lately too. I've got something going on. Something is weird with me.
I'll call her later? Or I won't. It's weird. You know what diary - it's weird. Because I used to be with someone who was pretty mean to me and I was and maybe am still somewhat diminished by that experience - and that's fine, that's dealt with - but still, I remember she would say - "You're crazy and a bad person and no-one but me will want to be with you." And I mean - I didn't buy it, I thought to myself: "Lady, I've done better than you. Often." Anyhow, it's still a thing that lingers- and I now... Now it's just so easy! There's wonderful, excellent people and they are all: "Yes, date with me!" And I am all: "Fuck yes I will." Because I like that and them. Anyhow it's like this: I can't tell myself - you have reached the limit to what you are doing, you've gone as far as you're going to go and stop- with her, this one, she's the one. So I just keep going. That is how it is for me. I just keep going and it is fine and everything goes my way.
So... I'll admit that I worry a little, that things going my way isn't going their way. How's that - purely confessional diary - I have anxiety that I will hurt people's feelings because anyway I have to stop because Agatha won't leave me be and must be taught the meaning of cow bites!
Because of reasons. Like- over the weekend, that last one - my new roommate moved in, a little, halfway to a lot- who was my previous girlfriend this year but then became my platonic roommate but still she's the kind of roommate that needs an amount of attention - so I was "Uhhhh?" And then I said, no, I can't. And then she was like: 'What? Why not?" And I was: "Never question me." Then I had to back away from that because that's...
Really - Never Question Me. I hate that, I don't have to answer to you or another person ever in this life. I hate that.
But still, I do like her! Shucks, I felt rotten about it but still, like- I felt badly but didn't want to walk it back at all. I'm sorry that I can't hang out with you and I am not accountable to you to explain why not. So there! Anyway - I think later she felt badly about it all and I guess I did too. We tried to make another plan for the next Wednesday - which I was eager to do, but which also feels like an appointment - regularly scheduled, it doesn't seem like it's dating then, it's something less, Still, I wanted to go again - date 3. We've been having good dates, that's my opinion.
Still - on Friday I woke up at 8:30 and was dizzy and sick, I stayed home from work and all, considering I woke up already late to work and then there were mail-server issues and then I was like - copied on a million emails and could barely get up or do anything - and then my new roommate came over to move in and took me to the doctor and then I got pills for some kind of infection that happened to my ear and I wasn't all that well at all over the weekend.
Now it's another weekend! Shucks by I let things get away from me... Dope. So that was... Fine- it was fine, over the weekend. New roommate- real different than the old one. Nicer? Maybe a little, and like- more... Active? Antonio is the best, but also kind of I dunno, square? He's got a whole thing, and his girlfriend - well, Fiance now, he and her they don't go anywhere apart - not ever, so it's even like we don't hang out or have so much in the way of friendship - I'm happy for him to go his own way because that's what he wants to do, but I'm a little sad that he wanted to go his own way - if you understand. Nerds do that though - I figured it out - my nerd pals, they all fall deep in love and go crazy deep for commitments and marriage, in a quick fashion. I guess the lonesomeness monster is their monster to be weak against? Anyhow, I don't get that, but I do a lot of dating - because I like that. Together looks, from what I can see in the lives of others - pretty boring. Couples seem to always know a lot about television - is what I'm saying.
Not that I've got room you know - it turned out to be a dingy cold day today so I and my child just loitered lazily and played pokemon and knew about cartoons and that's that. Big-nice dinner I made ignored and uneaten. I'll just be, whatever, I'll be how I am.
Wednesday though I didn't date because my child needed me, she needed me to stay with her up and with her all the day long - we had a nice evening and I was well again by then, and am well now - well is a relative term though because this thing in my shoulder is starting to go pretty crazy and hurt too much and I think I'll just finally go and get that surgery where they cut your arm off. That one. I am ready.
Anyhow I didn't date and now I'm feeling half a heel because I can feel that I am letting someone go because I'm all in the middle of something (? I guess? I feel like I am - like I'm about to be in something?) and she's in the middle of all of it- everything busy - she's not gonna get caught up till halfway in June - I don't know- I like and enjoy her but also - I... Am lazy? I've got something going on I can't figure out.
Anymore, lately - I just want to really really be pretty much half lit. Like most of the time - and it doesn't hurt that I figured out this book I want to write this year, I have been working on it but not like - every day -- like you should, just some days - for example - when it's nice and I go down to the bar to scribble and scribe and drink beer and be glad. And anyway I wanted and had a lot of soda as well, and candy - I've been a candy fool lately too. I've got something going on. Something is weird with me.
I'll call her later? Or I won't. It's weird. You know what diary - it's weird. Because I used to be with someone who was pretty mean to me and I was and maybe am still somewhat diminished by that experience - and that's fine, that's dealt with - but still, I remember she would say - "You're crazy and a bad person and no-one but me will want to be with you." And I mean - I didn't buy it, I thought to myself: "Lady, I've done better than you. Often." Anyhow, it's still a thing that lingers- and I now... Now it's just so easy! There's wonderful, excellent people and they are all: "Yes, date with me!" And I am all: "Fuck yes I will." Because I like that and them. Anyhow it's like this: I can't tell myself - you have reached the limit to what you are doing, you've gone as far as you're going to go and stop- with her, this one, she's the one. So I just keep going. That is how it is for me. I just keep going and it is fine and everything goes my way.
So... I'll admit that I worry a little, that things going my way isn't going their way. How's that - purely confessional diary - I have anxiety that I will hurt people's feelings because anyway I have to stop because Agatha won't leave me be and must be taught the meaning of cow bites!
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Date: 2013-05-12 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-12 02:45 pm (UTC)But when you actually meet The One you will not stop. I say this as someone who had a child and swore off marriage forever as a dreadful and unnecessary hell and then met my husband and had two more kids.
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Date: 2013-05-15 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-05-15 03:27 pm (UTC)Your eyes can't see behind you - that's what I often remember.