(no subject)

[kingtycoon]

Oh okay.  Last night I was up late, not too late, but kind of late thinking – which is not my usual way.  Usually I fall asleep pretty quickly and without any trouble and that’s how it has been for years and years.  When I was very young I had trouble sleeping but I think it was just because I went to bed too early.  Something.  Anyhow, I was thinking about how I want to write a book, which I wasn’t sure I would even want to do.  And then I was thinking about work – which is a weird thing because my work is very low-stress.  High personal investment but low impact.  Anyhow, I had an idea for work that I wanted to deal with and I was pleased about it.  Projects.  I like my work because I am allowed these self-directed options, often, and I’m trusted to try and come up with useful activities for myself.  And then I was thinking about my many unfinished things.

You know – I used to think, I guess I still think it, but in a different way.  I used to be all twisted up about my ability to have follow through on projects, to complete them or actually make something of them.  I…  I guess that I still kind of have this feeling, that I don’t actually accomplish the things I set out to?  Sort of.  Nowadays I do try to take on and have and finish fairly ambitious projects – not, like earth shakingly impressive stuff, but things that I realize from the outset will take a lot of time and effort.  Maybe I’ve just learned patience, and that I can keep working on things for a long, long time.  Life is longer than you think, you’d better have a plan to fill the extra hours.

Of course my activity hasn’t been stellar, not lately.  Here’s how it went – over the weekend Agatha came and we were chill.  She has school now and it’s interesting to see how her attitude and behavior kind of switches.  She was glad to go back – she’d relaxed enough and gotten everything she wanted out of the summer.  I…  I honest cannot tell you how elaborate my various works would become if I was allowed 3 months a year to work on them.  And I honestly can tell you that every summer break I actually ever had was spent watching TV and wasting time with Nintendo.  She’s happy to have pizza slices for dinner and refuses to go to the grocery store which is just weird to me.  It is a weird thing that the women in my life-  my mother, my daughter my sister – they all hate the grocery store – and me?  I really like it there!  I love going grocery shopping, it’s amazing – they have all the food, all of it, it’s nuts.  Anyhow she begged off and I didn’t get groceries so we ate pizza and eventually fair food and that was fine.  The Great Geauga County Fair is the big one I’ve gone to every year of my life on this weekend and it’s what it is, family tradition.  I wished a little that there was a cookout or a party or something, and I felt badly about not doing this kind of thing and then realized that really & truly, I’d forgotten to set up and arrange my house – it’s been months since I’ve moved here and I’ve been squatting like a hobo.  Anyhow, spent a couple of days making it nice and liveable, and now I’m happy when I come home and it is my home and not just a couple of rooms with all my stuff crammed into it.  During the whole thing I was hanging pictures – which means, sorting through my paintings because, okay – yes, true facts:  Out of thrift and vanity I took up painting because I can’t afford artworks but fuck it man, I can sure try and make my own.  Anyhow I picked out the ones I wanted to hang and noticed a few that are really not very good, and that I wanted to try again on, and I’m going to.  I’m going to do a thing I’d not planned to do – wasn’t sure I’d do, but I’ll do it-  revisit my previous works.  Then I gathered the materials to make my 5th level spells in my spellbook, I shelved all my notebooks and fashioned more props for my Thursday game and did a lot of laundry.

Tomorrow I get paid and I’m pretty glad about that.  I realize that I need to get out more but I also realize that I don’t like to get out and that I don’t really have anyone to get out with so…  Okay.  I guess maudlin now.  I didn’t mean it but there you are.

Comments

[sholanda.livejournal.com]

I hate the vile fucking grocery store.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

But you love the fabric store? Seriously the fabric store is a place where my hopes go to die and my hands shake from lack of whiskey.

So why come you hate the grocery? I don't understand at all. Lines?

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

Well, is your only option, like, Michaels? Little boutique places can be okay; I figured you'd be hip to them from your Stitch n' Bitch time.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

No way the more boutiquey a place the worse. I don't mind the craft store obviously but at yarn store once I could feel my cells dying.

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

Really? I find a well curated selection of anything to be vaguely interesting.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

If your goal was to sicken me you have succeeded. A hero who has accomplished what Troma never could.

[fordmadoxfraud.livejournal.com]

I used to be all twisted up about my ability to have follow through on projects, to complete them or actually make something of them.

Oh man, I still am.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

Well. Pick a thing and see it through. Don't be shamed if its imperfect. Nothing complete is ever perfect. It's only ever ideal while its still an idea.

[fordmadoxfraud.livejournal.com]

But also yes, whatever passions I had for like, the toy store or video game store as a child (well, those didn't exist yet - Atari games were just sold in like, Sears or whatever), have been entirely, completely displaced onto magical temples like Whole Foods and Safeway.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

So have you noticed that the girls you know don't like it? I don't get this and wanna know. I mean - dude, Food - that is food, you need that stuff. It's great.

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

I have no real interest in grocery stores except as a daily utility. I don't know of any women with huge opinions about it, though, one way or another. I guess the women in my life are savvy about it-- Kira, especially?-- but I don't know of their feelings about it. Unlike FMF though, I still have the same "game store" interest in...game stores & book stores? As always.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

See... The video store. Even if there were any I'm glad I don't ever have to go to one again. I like the used book store but I don't think I could enjoy a Barnes and Noble or whatever now that I'm a more engrossed library patron I'm all- buying media is crazy and probably wrong.

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure we disagree there pretty much.

[archivist405.livejournal.com]

I'm with you on the grocery store love. I could wander forever. I have for many years based my professional worth on the level of groceries I can afford. I typically shop at 3 stores each week, because they all have something different that I like. Food love!

[archivist405.livejournal.com]

I also have a craft room full of half started (half-finished?) projects and supplies for just about any type of project you could do. Minus painting. I've never imagined that I had any skill in that area. Sewing, crochet, decoupage, embroidery, paper mache, crystal wrapping, paper craft, scrapbooking, felt work, wreath making, um. yeah. I wrestle with that feeling still.
I bought a guitar because I thought that would stop the cycle of supply need, I can just play the guitar. Sadly, learning the guitar is hard and I am still in the very beginning stages. But I haven't been to the craft store in months!

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

But having that stuff means you always have the potential to revisit it. It's always an option. Which it might not be if you weren't supplied. Now when inspiration comes you can do something with it.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

My dad is the greatest fan of the grocery. He loves to go just to hang out and also steal (adorably). Those and movie theaters are the places I learned about from him.