Memes! It's fun to be interviewed - it makes you feel important!

[kingtycoon]

mimerki asked me 5 questions-  I'll ask you 5 questions too.  If you want me to.

(1) In some ways, you embody the notion that everyone else is also the hero of their own story for me. We knew each other in passing but our life-stories didn't really intersect. Whose story do you watch from the outside, knowing you are a spear-carrier in their drama whilst the main player in your own?

Oh wow that’s weird! So long ago, I think when we were face-to-face acquainted I had this idea, rooted in my experience of the time & the kinds of media that were present. At that time you may recall that the vision of beauty that was going around was shifting – and I was stuck being tall dark & handsome while everyone I was into was looking for Dave Bowie – so that was a weird time to be alive – plus I’m a bit taller than just tall and I’ve always been a weirdo – so I fell into this idea that I was not the protagonist in a story – in really any story. It made sense to me then – I don’t have blue eyes, I don’t have personal conflicts or identity issues. I’ll never be Luke Skywalker – I’ll never be caught up in ideals or suffer an antagonist. Really I fell to the Voltron 5-man-band idiom & I was the Big Guy.

As time went on I got the hang of it though – people want to be in a story but they don’t always have the sense or ambition to invent one. You can lead people – you can get them to follow, interested and attentive, just by having a superior plan. That’s probably reflected fairly well in my oldest Livejournals. I got tired of waiting around for people to want to do a thing and just started initiating events – things for them to do – I call this ‘wearing the captain’s hat’ or ‘batmanning’. You can be the batman and have the plan & then your people, the ones who go with you – they’re the robins.

This stuff is tiring though, and expensive. Not for nothing is batman rich – you want to be the batman you’ve got to buy your robins a lot of dinners and drinks – sometimes outfits. Worse than that is when you start to fall into ideas about Loyalty. Loyalty is what you expect from people who you aren’t offering enough. If your job wants or expects loyalty – it means that they aren’t paying you enough. It’s a weird despotic virtue upheld by tyrants – or well – some less hyperbolic version of that. People have their own lives & you can’t ask them to discard themselves in service to you – that’s a misstep that’s made.

Anyhow seeing other people want to have their own lives – seeing that and having opinions about the lives they want – that’s the empathic spark that really helped me write the story around myself. Make myself the narrative center of my own life – Prufrockian as it may be.

Now, you ask about spear-carrying and I hear ‘robin’. I’m a sometimes robin. Ceding agency is one of those things you can do if you’re real secure in your identity. So I’ve robined for my pal Bridgit a bunch of times – exploring the abandoned buildings, the weird lower-world of the city. Or, when she was smaller my own little Daughter- who was once more directed & interested in exploring. I still think of myself in these narrative terms – I’m the heavy, I’m the one who’s around who prevents you from being scared because if there are problems… Or I’m the weirdo wizard… I think knowing about people’s own identity as the protagonist helps me to blend in as a type to match & suit them – I like playing lancer because it’s easy & satisfying & because I’ve periodically felt guilty for having an excessively narcissistic impulse that casts me as the center of other people’s lives.

So, actively, I’ll help & participate in the life of anyone who asks & who’s story is compelling to me – passively – I’m very interested in the direction that most people’s lives go.

(2) What lost thing of your childhood do you wish you could share with young Miss A?

Having not much liked childhood this is hard. So over the weekend we watched The Monster Squad – a movie I watched when I was her age. That was in Matt Miller’s basement – with the bumper pool & the beer ad overhead lights. We played NES after that – I think, Athena. Terrible game. At the used book store they had the first 6 dragonlance books in very good condition for basically nothing – so I got her those and she’s been reading them and liking them the way I did… I think in terms of media preferences there’s a fair continuity that’s fun to share – in the way you post youtube videos & links on the internet – here’s a thing I liked from being a kid!

And I’m lucky my kid likes what I like – I mean, she could be football obsessed or like, excited about church. Anyhow – media sharing a shitty version of experience and of the things I did as a kid that she has not is Travel. She asked me about flying on a plane & I think by the time I was her age – shoot, I’d probably put a few hundred hours in the sky. I think I’d done transcontinental flight four or five times by then & she doesn’t even have a passport. This is a shared-parenting thing & a lack of desire thing on my part – I don’t have the time I’d need nor the money required and, frankly the desire to travel.

There used to be this thing in our house – the Fairy Cupboard. So it’s a glass doored little curio cabinet that I found on the side of the street & then I hung it up on a wall in her room and for a long time I’d put in notes & little bauble treasures – and she’d write notes- to the Fairy you get it? Our house fairy. Once the fairy folded up a big map of the world and asked for her friend to circle the places she’d like to go… Well, the Fairy Cupboard was a fun exercise but that kiddo never did get the hang of caring about the larger world. I think Tokyo is really the only spot on her list, owing to Pokemon principally.

(3) We have discussed alternate timelines before. Is there one where you left Ohio? Where did you go? Why? (If not, why not?)

So some Narcissus & Goldmund huh? Another friend of mine tried using this as a structure to describe our arcs – this was long ago & he was much more prosaic in his adventuring path – hitchhiking, homelessness the whole journey into the world. I remember then I was sort of resentful of this idea, that I was somehow in stasis. I take your meaning though. Here are the things: After high school I thought to go to the pacific northwest because it was the ‘90’s and the done thing. I was… for lack of a less acrimonious term – conned into sticking around with my family. After college I was going to go to east asia because it was the end of the ‘90’s and the done thing – and then I stayed with my family because they begged me to. And then I was going to go away again and then I had a baby. I still want to go away from Cleveland. Especially now as winter looms. Now – there are all types of idealized thoughts – imaginary selves.

I can tell if I’m going to get depressed because I’ll think about these things too much – they usually revolve around one or another lady – one that it didn’t work out with but if only… But if only is a road I don’t take very often now. Things are good and steady & I’m the type that likes steady.

But your question kind of asks a different question. You know how people play the lottery and it’s a dollar they spend on a fantasy of having money? To me… That doesn’t work, I mean – if I’m going to have a rich fantasy life, I’m not going to fantasize about having money. I’ll fantasize about being an earthbender or a space explorer y’know? (I’d earthbend all the roads & highways into & out of the city into rubble, I’d raise pyramids and ziggurats from the ground and an immense sphinxlike object from out of the lake – it would loom, terrible & daunting over a city that I’d build to suit me).

In the end the moves I thought about making were somehow less desirable than staying here. And I’ve never had a real strong push from here. Push & pull are an immigration thing – you need strong pulls but a stronger push – and despite all – the living here is easy, the big city charms are appealing & there’s a lot of rabbit holes to fall down if you look closely. I think I’ve had a lifetime to get to know this place & I prefer that level of detail over a cursory view of a lot of places.

I’ll confess to one timeline that I’d like which is the one where I somehow got it together to live & work in Rome. That’s the city for me, baroque & stone & ancient, I don’t have the imagination to think of a job I would have or how I would live – and really if I did – probably I’d have done that thing.

(4) You wake up tomorrow and the moon is the wrong shape, the wrong color. What do you do?

Have you ever seen that thing where the ice in the upper atmosphere lenses and causes the full moon to display a halo? It’s really startling, if you’ve never seen it, and more so if you don’t know what causes it. When I did see that I hollered for a lot of people to come see, “Come and See!”

I like your experiment though – I’m imagining a scenario where I notice these things – that the moon has visible oceans or clouds – that it’s got rings or is a cube – the 10,000 mile to a side city of God floating for a thousand years above Jerusalem… I see this and everyone else thinks it’s the way it is, and that I’m the weird one, I’m out of the loop and in a different continuity. When this happens you’re supposed to go to the Library that’s what they do in fiction about this kind of scenario – but I’d… I’d google it up – what about Artemis/Diana – do the Japanese still inexplicably have a sun goddess and a moon god? What about Moon River my huckleberry friend? Are there bad moons rising? I think, I’d assimilate right up – maybe not ever quite get used to it – but still – who’s really ever used to the moon? It’s always something to look at for a moment at least, whenever you happen to spot it in the sky.

(5) We are entering the season of ritual gluttony. In what will you delight in your excessive consumption? Will it come with regrets?

This is something that is not applicable to me. Seriously I never regret eating or drinking too much stuff. I eat as much as I can whenever I can and drink as much as I can whenever possible. If I have limits I don’t exceed them. I’ve got that Liberace thing maybe- “Too much of everything is simply wonderful.”

Probably I could do without poppers and millions of dogs though.

Comments

[aslant.livejournal.com]

These are a fantastic five questions! Rome. I know exactly what you'd do in Rome, it would be something like an ex-pat international batman, but I don't think you'd tell us the truth about what you do, right?

I'd love to get five questions, if the offer is still open.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

1) You seem to relish the idea of moving cross country -and you do it with some regularity. I personally regard this with a kind of horror. What is it that makes you so amenable to making these journeys?

2) What do you want to know about your future self? How do you want to help your past self?

3) Sometimes I think about having another kid, what it'd be like. I basically cannot imagine having the rapport I have with my daughter with another child. Did you worry or think about this when you were dreaming Dorothy into existence? What's it like with Penelope and Dorothy? Do they have to try to distinguish themselves or are they different without effort?

4) How much do you wish you'd been able to invite me to your wedding? Wouldn't it have been fun?! What song do you like to dance to the most? Your storm-the-dancefloor song?

5) You find the ring of 3 wishes and you're able to make 1 wish to improve one of your statistics by 4 points. Which of the 6 classic stats do you improve?

[aslant.livejournal.com]

Boom. These are excellent. I have the day off tomorrow so will noodle and post soon.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

I mean, what really is truth you know? In the eternal city?

Personally I think I'd make an excellent Pope.

[aslant.livejournal.com]

A++ would read that novel

[mimerki.livejournal.com]

Our unspoken ruleset makes it gauche to ask for questions from someone to whom one has just provided questions, but as we are in the midst of trying to revive the meme, I would answer questions if they were asked of me.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

Fie- I of course am curious about you!

Here's the things that jump out when I think about you:

1) - I say D&D, and Jello & Bandaid using them interchangeably with similar products. I do the same with Karate - which is just a stand in for any kind of fancy boxing using feet. On a scale of 1(not at all) to 5 (Extremely) How annoyed does that make you?

2) - So it seems like I might sometimes represent for you an alternate self, one who stayed in NEO and made the best of the Waste-Land. Do you think about the life you'd have here if you'd stuck around? What would you do as an Ohioan (besides choose the president)?

3) - What's your A-Game? What's the best scenario for a day & a night for you where you get to showcase your favorite qualities of yourself?

4) - Since your main userpic is a comic book character I kind of think you as a little bit of a fangirl. Do you collect comics? What titles? Are you all DC or do you go other ways?

5) - When you use the LJ cut I can tell it's because you're fastidious and considerate - but also, I worry that you are declaiming against yourself e.g.: "Pay no attention, I'm not important." Am I putting too much thought into this?

[jjjiii]

I'll take 5 of your questions.

Alright Then

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

1 - You and I area really different even though on paper we're very similar. Saddish loners, game designers, nerds, IT professionals. Do you think this is your final form or do you plan for something different to happen to you? What do you think about changing the most?

2 - The games you make have an arcade/action quality. Is this because of the way that coding works or is this because these are the kinds of games you like the most? What kinds of Video Games do you play a lot of?

3 - I like this Jessica Jones show a lot, not least because it portrays the Enchantment Wizard as the evilest possible kind of wizard. What kind of wizard do you think is the worst? Are you satisfied that the Necromancer is just the default bad guy? It doesn't make sense to me.

4 - You told me or talked about Guinea Pigs being your totem creature before you started being about pugs. Is there some new contender in the wings for you to shift the focus your affection to?

5 - To me, the worst thing is when someone else does something you have been trying to do, and they do it a lot better. I feel like this kind of competition in Video Game making is probably crazy intense. What game do you wish you'd have made the most?

Re: Alright Then

[jjjiii]

Answered: http://jjjiii.livejournal.com/3273125.html

[fordmadoxfraud.livejournal.com]

These were a fantastic read. Rome! That's our eternal city as well. I think we'll honeymoon there. And your take on loyalty as a concept is fascinating.

I'm happy to answer 5 myself, if you have any.

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

Oh dude, of course. Of. Course.

1 - I think about how you made the change from retail management (it still says so on your LJ profile) - to Silicon Valley up&comer not on the strength of your resume or what-have-you but just based on your sincerity & likability & personal initiative. Big change just by force of will - I think about that and how, when I met you, I immediately and effortlessly really liked you. So all that said - What's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?

2 - You grew up in NYC and I see that as a pretty distinct, essential quality - like growing up in the suburbs, the country or the most famous & richest city in the hemisphere - and now you're going to have a child of your own (fingers crossed) - do you plan to go back to the city to raise your kid? Do you think that a child would lose out on not growing up there the way you did or do you think it's better to have a child with completely different experiences?

3 - Chose a spell of level 3 or lower that you can cast once per week. What spell do you chose.

4 - You bring a lot to the table for an employer - do you think about focusing your considerable powers into making your own venture? What kind of business would you start if you were to start one?

5 - If you could make edits to wikipedia entries that you created - and these changes would come true - which 1 page would you change first, and what would you change?

Bonus 6th question - Where should I send your Xmas present?

[fordmadoxfraud.livejournal.com]

1 - I had a really hard time answering this one. I think of a lot of things that significant others have done for me that made me feel like I did not reciprocate in kind, and wound up feeling a bit of a heel.

2 - I think about this a lot. Unless things radically change for me, my fortunes are now tied to California for the forseeable future.[0] The place I work is amazing, and continues to be the best professional thing that's ever happened to me. A lot would have to change to make that not true any more.

I do miss New York, though probably more the people who live there, and I think about that more than I think about the city itself when contemplating raising a child. I don't know if I think it's *better* to have completely different experiences, but I do think a good life can be built in lots of places. When growing up, so much of my formative experience with the city just came from my parents' memories of it, and my child will have those of mine - though the practical opportunity to express them will be less I suppose. It's easier to opportunistically say "let me tell you a story about the Brooklyn museum" when it's RIGHT THERE.

I think Libby will have lots of those memories for our child of California, being a native herself. I find myself wanting to become more thoroughly versed in California and New York history for this reason. *Being* in a place is one part of accumulating an identity, transmission of memory is another. I do worry my child will grow up with experiences and attitudes about this place that I don't recognize or understand, but I imagine that's true wherever you raise your child, and is just something you have to work on as a parent.

[0] But things change really quickly too. I can also see myself in other parts of the country (or world) as the company grows. Dublin, at one point, could have been a thing, though I'm glad I chose not-Dublin. Right now Portland and Denver could potentially be places I wind up in < 5 years. (Chance is low, I think, but nonzero.) One thing I'd love for my child would be to raise them outside the US. New York's terrific, but how great would it be to raise your kid in Tokyo, e.g.?

3 - Probably Cantrip. No real practical purpose other than to make yourself seem casually magical, but most of the other ones have too narrow an application (wtf am I going to do with fireball once a week), or are morally reprehensible IRL (e.g. Charm Person).

[fordmadoxfraud.livejournal.com]

4 - I think about this a lot because that's the kind of people I work with. Lots of folks when you ask "where do you see yourself in a few years" people think they'll be launching their own startup. Entrepreneurialism is a big thing for people attracted to entrepreneurs, turns out.

For me, I don't think so. Because of the start in life that I got, and because I didn't really do much - or understand what to do - to build a stable financial life for myself, I spent most of my adulthood working low-paying jobs in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

I've built very little savings or assets over the course of my life, and now that I'm thinking about trying to build a stable world for a new person, I feel pretty risk-averse, and that a safe nesting-mode is a better strategy for me right now. Entrepreneurialism is like investing: don't put money into it that you're not willing to lose. I don't have any of that right now, or any kind of cushion outside the very meager[1] one that I've built up the last two years. I make a lot more than I used to, but also my rent is 3x what it was in New York.

And honestly I don't know nearly enough. I still feel like I'm in learning mode. Where I work, there's so much knowledge to be gained about businesses and starting one and running one. Maybe at some point I'll feel like I felt at Shakespeare, like "I've done it all", but I feel very, very far away from that still.

[1] I have like 40x the savings I had in NY, but that's mostly because I was living week to week every single week, and had nothing. I think a lot about how this affected my life in the past. Like, with my dog. I only had enough money to have him humanely put to sleep, or to have the vet see him to see if he'd be able to recover, and if I chose the latter option and was wrong there was a long road of misery ahead for him that I didn't know when I'd be able to help with. I've never stopped being brutally angry at myself for the choice I made, but don't know if I'd do it differently.

5 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinosaur

I'd remove the extinction event.

Bonus 6th question - Where should I send your Xmas present?

5325 Lawton Ave.
Oakland, CA 94618

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

No one could have done better for Roscoe than you did. I know that.