(no subject)

[kingtycoon]

Science! Also Health.

So back when I wen to the doctor about my buboe they had me fill out a survey - and because of that - because there are direct questions asked I got called up later by the poor young
physician who wanted to know is it all true? And yes, it's all true. Do you not enjoy things you used to? I sure don't! Do you have suicidal ideation? I sure do! All of those- which if not asked I would not volunteer.

So today I have some kind of follow up that the nice young doctor arranged and I'm going. Of course my stupid carbuncle is cured now so I'm in a very peppy & upbeat mood and I'm going to see someone later tonight that I haven't seen in too long and I'm looking forward to that - so I have authentic things to be kind of glad about and I'm going to see the head shrinker about my Deep Antipathy For Living In Society and I'm thinking about how I'm going to have to perform sadness- maybe put myself in a sad mood?

I perform cheer & friendliness, a casual, shallow good humor because generally, I won't talk to another person again and I know better than to ever demonstrate vulnerability to strangers. And everyone's a stranger. I like it that way. I guess. Probably these are defects of the mind! I'll go see this guy and maybe they'll fix me so I'm 100% always delightful instead of like, 5% and 95% bitter recluse.

I'm on the bump from having healed though - flush with good feelings - and so, like, weird.

I was/am working on the spellbook about Healing Magic- so that's a weird box of thoughts. Because what does it mean to have good health - to be whole? Like -if you could be magically cured of things well then who even are you? At the end of that tunnel? And how far down does that all go? When are you really, y'know, cured? What is the self! Health is weirdly linked to identity in a way that's hard to really get to the bottom of. But these are today's thoughts.

Comments

[forsakengirl.livejournal.com]

I like to say im fucking delightful. But im not sure if anyone believes me?

I do like bitter recluse, though. I might use that someday

Sometimes at work we have to complete a depression screening for patients. It makes mr chuckle because i would answer "YES!!!!" to all the questions if i were being truthful.

"Do you ever feel worthless?"
"Do you feel like your life isn't worth living?"
"Do you often cry?"

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

They totally didn't ask me if I cried. That would have been weird. I only cry at movies like you're supposed to.

[aslant.livejournal.com]

Gah I love these. Framable.

My thing with the head shrinkers is I always wonder, how much of this is Me and how much of this is my hormones performing incorrectly?

[kingtycoon.livejournal.com]

I'm getting better at this - I figured out how to make my handwriting into a font so that's helping. I think you can buy prints on my Flickr page - if you want? I'm not sure if I have to set that up but - if you want them you can have them!

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

But I mean, doesn't that just make you think "me" is hormones? I don't mean "lady hormones" but you know, the mass of chemicals & lightning that is you.

[aslant.livejournal.com]

Sorry, that anon comment was me

[mordicai.livejournal.com]

If I was playing armchair shrink, I wouldn't try to attack your Deep Antipathy For Living in Society so much as clarify it into it's most useful form. That is, there is a difference between hermitage & solitude, between being forced to the fringes & enjoying the fringes. Working out a better interface would be the best solution. Or at least, that's my perspective on the uh, emotional programming, or whatever?

Health magic should be White Totem, that's the solution. It is fungi & oozes, cancers & cells.

[calico-pye.livejournal.com]

I was on Sertraline for 14 months from the beginning of last year to March this year. I have had mild-moderate depression most of my life but had been able to cope. It kinda spiralled out of control when Hubby was diagnosed with cancer. I thought I was ok, until I found myself involuntarily smiling at painful thoughts. Oh and being numb, but having to stop spontaneously hurling dishes from the dining room to the kitchen (around 12 feet all told). Took them as I needed to get a grip, especially as I would be no good for H to know I was having 'problems'.

I came off of them this year, because, yeah they flattened dangerously impulsive behavior and lessened the possibility of projectile crockery, but it also flattened my higher brain functions. I was like 'Oh, so I have gone from scoring 70% + to bottoming at the end of 2:2s? Oh, that's sad....can I have a cookie?'

Things are better now.

Beautiful art work, btw.