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kingtycoonEvery year...
I think - y'know what MeMyself&I? You ought to consider things. Like- give it some deep thought, some thought. The things, I mean - you should stew in them & ruminate unhealthily - about how you are and what it means even to be that way.
So I do that, just a bit, because MeMyself&I hasn't steered me too deep into the shoals, it's a fair navigator, what with all the experience. And I figure out what it is in me that's wanting or small that needs correction.
Commonly it's my failure to engage with others which is a bit of a sensation, all in all. A sensation you see - because there's a compelling sense of duty to become integrated into a community & to belong & participate. That's a feeling that I have - but also - there's the competing sense of exhaustion & disgust that other people tend to foster so that's the sensation, the friction - between doing what's proper & doing what's tolerable. So that's the dialogue that you have with yourself over matters that creates the synthesis by which you end up living. By which I end up living - I guess. Say what you mean dummy.
The result is that you're involved & begin to engage & all the while you're (I'm, say what you mean dummy) - I'm hedging & waiting for the right cue to exit. This kind of behavior is maybe not obvious, but it has obvious symptoms one of which is that I'm pretty dull to be around. Cause of how I'm not gonna say the things that might make me interact with you in a way that I find tedious. E.g.: I'm probably not gonna talk about my inner spiritual practice, my magical thinking the books I make or the kinds of emotions I have invested in my family. Probably I'll talk to you about the Bus, the Weather & a Movie. If I liked sports I'd probably go with sports. So I get when others are doing the brushoff.
I think this is to do with a growing contempt that people in my community have for one another nowadays. It's a thing you notice when outside of your ordinary realm - but commonly I'm just anxious that I'm going to have to hear someone I'm casually associated with - via work or proximity say some Qanon or Xtian or Redpill or Bootlicker nonsense & that I'll have to then know that about them & engage with them. And man do I not want to.
Maybe it was easier long ago when you'd be amongst smart-o's collegiate & so on. Maybe. Anyhow, I did a fair job of tricking people into being class conscious - back when, and probably I really ought to be doing that still. But man, I don't want to. I don't want to talk at people who are psychotic. And more, I don't want to know that people are psychotic. It's sucky out here now, everyone wants to just show you their whole thing, right away, just put it up for you to know about.
Anyhow - I've been meaning to write. I should, I have writing I need to be doing, and I'm avoiding it because probably I don't want to have to be actually introspective or curious. Probably I want to be checked out and quiet. But I got here because I got told off by some Airbnb weirdo - on account of I'm trying to go to (stupid) Milwaukee this summer to help march about the cool old man from VT who I want to be president. Cause there's very likely gonna be a lot of marching involved in making that happen. (And I gotta march & be friendly with marxists & sometimes they're different marxists than me & I... oh. The audacity... Allies are like friends who's terrible opinions you can't forgive). Anyhow this lady is all, well you can't stay at my house because of how your name is. Which, I think - whatever it's your house lady. But my companions are all - "report this racism".
So whatever, I do - and now I'm feeling all on-the-hook because I'm imagining having to talk to some manager or some PMC dumbass who doesn't want to talk to me & there's gonna be a whole interaction - the kind that nobody likes having that... I don't know why It has to be.
One day on the bus the bus was late & this lady who had been a nuisance before was being a nuisance. Before she'd scolded me and others about sitting next to her as if you get two seats or three instead of one when you buy your ticket. I listened to her yell at me and said. "Ok." But then the bus was late & she was mad about it - on this, another occasion in the future of me who said "Ok." She wasn't very animated or I, suppose, haranguing to the person on the phone she'd called to berate -but she was insistent that they were in the wrong & a problem for her. She carried on for some amount of time about it & was hung up upon. So she called back & tried to speak to the same person, & I suppose did because she laid back into them & said: "Your job is customer service, you're supposed to listen to people get mad at you until they feel better." Or words to that effect. Which I mean - I hadn't considered that - and maybe that's even true - but man...
Why people gotta get so indignant about unglorious bullshit?
I think - y'know what MeMyself&I? You ought to consider things. Like- give it some deep thought, some thought. The things, I mean - you should stew in them & ruminate unhealthily - about how you are and what it means even to be that way.
So I do that, just a bit, because MeMyself&I hasn't steered me too deep into the shoals, it's a fair navigator, what with all the experience. And I figure out what it is in me that's wanting or small that needs correction.
Commonly it's my failure to engage with others which is a bit of a sensation, all in all. A sensation you see - because there's a compelling sense of duty to become integrated into a community & to belong & participate. That's a feeling that I have - but also - there's the competing sense of exhaustion & disgust that other people tend to foster so that's the sensation, the friction - between doing what's proper & doing what's tolerable. So that's the dialogue that you have with yourself over matters that creates the synthesis by which you end up living. By which I end up living - I guess. Say what you mean dummy.
The result is that you're involved & begin to engage & all the while you're (I'm, say what you mean dummy) - I'm hedging & waiting for the right cue to exit. This kind of behavior is maybe not obvious, but it has obvious symptoms one of which is that I'm pretty dull to be around. Cause of how I'm not gonna say the things that might make me interact with you in a way that I find tedious. E.g.: I'm probably not gonna talk about my inner spiritual practice, my magical thinking the books I make or the kinds of emotions I have invested in my family. Probably I'll talk to you about the Bus, the Weather & a Movie. If I liked sports I'd probably go with sports. So I get when others are doing the brushoff.
I think this is to do with a growing contempt that people in my community have for one another nowadays. It's a thing you notice when outside of your ordinary realm - but commonly I'm just anxious that I'm going to have to hear someone I'm casually associated with - via work or proximity say some Qanon or Xtian or Redpill or Bootlicker nonsense & that I'll have to then know that about them & engage with them. And man do I not want to.
Maybe it was easier long ago when you'd be amongst smart-o's collegiate & so on. Maybe. Anyhow, I did a fair job of tricking people into being class conscious - back when, and probably I really ought to be doing that still. But man, I don't want to. I don't want to talk at people who are psychotic. And more, I don't want to know that people are psychotic. It's sucky out here now, everyone wants to just show you their whole thing, right away, just put it up for you to know about.
Anyhow - I've been meaning to write. I should, I have writing I need to be doing, and I'm avoiding it because probably I don't want to have to be actually introspective or curious. Probably I want to be checked out and quiet. But I got here because I got told off by some Airbnb weirdo - on account of I'm trying to go to (stupid) Milwaukee this summer to help march about the cool old man from VT who I want to be president. Cause there's very likely gonna be a lot of marching involved in making that happen. (And I gotta march & be friendly with marxists & sometimes they're different marxists than me & I... oh. The audacity... Allies are like friends who's terrible opinions you can't forgive). Anyhow this lady is all, well you can't stay at my house because of how your name is. Which, I think - whatever it's your house lady. But my companions are all - "report this racism".
So whatever, I do - and now I'm feeling all on-the-hook because I'm imagining having to talk to some manager or some PMC dumbass who doesn't want to talk to me & there's gonna be a whole interaction - the kind that nobody likes having that... I don't know why It has to be.
One day on the bus the bus was late & this lady who had been a nuisance before was being a nuisance. Before she'd scolded me and others about sitting next to her as if you get two seats or three instead of one when you buy your ticket. I listened to her yell at me and said. "Ok." But then the bus was late & she was mad about it - on this, another occasion in the future of me who said "Ok." She wasn't very animated or I, suppose, haranguing to the person on the phone she'd called to berate -but she was insistent that they were in the wrong & a problem for her. She carried on for some amount of time about it & was hung up upon. So she called back & tried to speak to the same person, & I suppose did because she laid back into them & said: "Your job is customer service, you're supposed to listen to people get mad at you until they feel better." Or words to that effect. Which I mean - I hadn't considered that - and maybe that's even true - but man...
Why people gotta get so indignant about unglorious bullshit?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-26 03:07 am (UTC)People act like that towards customer service because they feel like they have a right to acting that way. They are a customer and the person they're talking to is their servant and is supposed to make them happy, just as she said. People are like this in any scenario where there's customer service dealings. It's not right, it's dumb, and all the person is doing is making themselves look like an idiot, but nothing is going to change the way that person thinks.