(no subject)

[kingtycoon]

Eventually we go to grandma's for dinner. Eventually. Young Agatha is incapable of waking at a reasonable time. It's fine. She is teenaged. We go to gramma's and have a new years supper. After we buy up all the strangest shaped fruits to blend together. Eventually. Everything is on a slow & dreamy pace. It's been a week & 2 days since I've been to work. I do hate working but also must. That famous old business. One hopes that a new position will save them from the inevitable malaise & alienation but what about if you start out wiht it? an you get excited?

I remembered that in the past I'd walked away from jobs in a very casual, hostile fashion. I'd been let go from jobs in a procedural, apologetic fashion. I've never really migrated while employed. The danger, you know, of going hungry, of being made homeless - that's the motivation - for me - to go to work. I don't have aspirations of accomplishing anything of value in exchange for money - jobs are stupid & for lazy people. I'll always feel badly about having a job and being just that lazy, lazy enough to work for another person, let them figure out what they want me to do for money. Obey orders. It's a sleepwalk through things that you can't justify, that I can't justify except to say - I don't want to have a business. I don't want to participate that way.

So I lack the motivating desperation & now I'm on the way to a new way. I think I'm spending the intervening time in the deep relaxation. Soon. On the road & learning a new way & things. Soon. But for now & so far I'm just barely ready. Only just. No panic to drive off inertia. I've got so much inertia.

So much so I don't know that I'll even do this thing I invented. DunJanuary. Will I? 31 days, 31 dungeons - I have succeeded, in the past. Last year even. This year? I don't know. I have a plan for it, but the execution seems... too demanding. It's maybe one thing too many. Meantime I have to think aobut buying a car.