(no subject)

[kingtycoon]

Spend a lot of time in this room. Really need to figure things out for it. Maybe keeping it office-style generic is okay though. I mean, it is where I work. Gotta think on it a while. So my ma cashed the check I give her every month and A's mom cashed her last(!!) 3 checks all at once so I lost the comma out of my bank account for the first time in a year. Good to set that pace (not that it's much of a pace you understand - but at least I'm not anxious). So Iput out of my mind the types of things I could buy to put in this room & think instead about what it is, what it could be. Lotsa computers & tools though. Maybe I should bite the bullet & build myself a server for the house. Maybe. I got those lights that you can change colors & patterns with on your phone - but I made sure they can't connect to anything outside my firewall. I'm pretty opposed to smart-house style stuff, never gonna talk to a computer voice, nothing like that. But some of the features are cool. Color changing light bulbs? I'm down. Cameras of any kind? No. No mics either thanks.



Daffy-Dills came in. My flowes. I got a few rocks too. But at least I grew some flowers, I have those now & they're good. Gotta figure out the right way to press Daffodils. Maybe I'll gather the first one from each year to press & keep. Tht'd be a nice thing to have about your place right? Here's the book of the daffodils that grew here fro 2022 to 2040... Who you are is a mass of knots that vaguely desires things. Your preferences crystallize around what it is your're actually doing. I'm restless, I'm overworked, I'm bored, I' making coffee, I'm fucking around on my phone, I'm listening to people talk, I'm answering emails, Bumble through these things & they're all mazes of impulse & incohate want. You allow them to ossify & you end up with reflection. You can organize your wants & realize what it is that you really want. I want coffee. I work so I can getit, keep people working so they're not mad, fuck around on my phone to find out if something new happened that will change things at all, go back to emailing, drink coffee. That's all of this, just to get tot he one piece that actually matters, personally. So you do a lot of things in aid of the main thing that you do want. So someday I might want more out of this house than just this house, someday I might want being in this house & making it my own way - if that's what I want, then I gotta do these things, favors for my futre self, like skipping treats or sleeping right.

I put down that cardboard o kill the grass in that patch. I can't decide at this moment between a nice decorative tree that's little with pretty blossoms, or maybe something more indigenous & interesting. Is the paw paw tree attractive? I've never had the fruit & for all the reasons no-body has, but maybe it'd be chill to have some. That's 6-8 year project. Maybe. Anyhow, I'm killing the grass in that spot. I don't even know what to do about that stupid hay. I don't want that hay. But what to grow right there by the porch? Nothing too rooty or big. Maybe just one of those evergreen shrubs you cut into a square? Those are a pretty agreeable plant to have around. Think on it more.

Another coat of paint on the door. Another slate of frustrating meetings, another night of rolling the dice. Things are good. Pretty good.