(no subject)

[kingtycoon]

I decided to take home security more seriously.

Maybe a mistake? If I'm having people by? I dunno, to me this says everything I think needs to be said about me/my household. We think about alchemy too much but never with precision or care. Yes, messy magician.

Probably it'll be painted over more - maybe embellished with more red & then possibly gold highlights. I should make a sator square in tile probably. There's a pottery arena, or studio nearby. I'm very interested & they have signs indicating adult classes - also, very interesting. But it's kinda closed for covid & it's signs all say - 'find us on facebook'. Always a reminder of how much better the internet was. Before it was stolen by those monsters. Must remember to work on my own sites... Eventually.

To properly live requires a staff, I think. It's possibly amazing how much a solitary person can accomplish & yet I'm always feeling dismayed by how little is done compared to what must be done. I'm sure there are a lot of loners who do way better than me in terms of production but.

You're supposed to make things & think - maybe someone not yet living will care about this one day. That's a thought that aided my disposition - doing the solitary work in obscurity. It's the lack of a future for civilization that robs someone like me of that aid to invention. Audiences stolen, production halted. That kind of thinking. It calls for something more certain - Georgia guidestones, that type of thing - something of use to someone after. In a frivolous time leading a frivolous life, you're not prepared to produce for a future that's less frivolous. It only works if the future is more so. Star Trek right? elaboration of the inessential until it becomes a focus of reality. Nothing quite so frivolous as space travel right? Or space navies. But there it is, the fantasy of the feckless.

I think I'm going to plant paper birches. I like them & I think they're a good tree also indigenous to the lake adjoining regions of ohio. (the only respectable parts of ohio). Hopefully life will remain long, and there will be more opportunities to build an edifice that amounts to something to someone besides myself.


Progeny? Seems like the popular path to navigate these impulses. Why is babby formed or so. Legacies reinforced by the inevitable force of biology, physical laws compel. Not a real solution. Goose-teens aside (though their buts, the tails, the perfect curve, the excellent shape, irreproducible - by me anyhow, that shape). But the human child is not the goose child, that is a goose or is eaten & that's what you get. We got people who are different than the goose. My kid finishes highschool... Now? Commencement in tuesday, a small affair for a few attendees at a huge arena? It's very confusing but she can't invite enough people - so it's just me and a couple of our family. Not enough egyptians to ululate joyously. Covid I guess. Smaller horizons - see? Anyhow there's just influence & suggestion when it comes to the next generation, you can add like spice a sense of what matters & what's real - but you can't make a person like a goose makes a goose. Or like you'd make an object. It's the interplay of identities that make a perosn into people & that's that whole story. I'm at the end of it, as a task with well defined bounds. I genuinely wonder what will come to be. Will we just have dinner every weekend from now on? Or, for the next few years? College?



Not to say I'm not or that I am ready - but it's time to build up social connections again. I'm... limited as a social being. Bombast & intensity and a soft touch, some charm & care - I do alright. Lacking self-assurance in solitude, I burst with it in public. The solution of that puzzle is that - people are distracted, slow-witted & in search of instruction, in the aggregate, on the average. I'm too deviant to be able to pitch my ways as sensible, so I have to sell them as personal eccentricities. "It's true I don't have a car or want one. It's true that I don't like to travel or go on vacation. It's true that I'm supportive of revolutionaries & anarchists." From my perspective - ordinary ways of being, but apparently, in the world - so odd that I must handwave it off as 'just a funny thing about me'. Unorthodox ideas cherished here, but slapdash & ultimately in aid only of myself.



Yeah.