kingtycoon | The Liberation of Low Expectations

The ease & disorganization at my job makes me uncomfortable - as in, I feel like I'm menaced by being redundant or that they'll want something else executed. But - counterpoint, it's very easy & undemanding. Part of the time I think I should have ever & always expected such a situation & that I've been intensely overworked for most of my life. I mean - that's probably true for a lot of people. Kinda wish I had more to show for it but there you are, working man's struggles.

I always drink too much on my Wednesday game night. I always do. My defense is that that's pretty much the only time I drink at all, let alone too much - but it's too much & I act foolishly? Probably not that foolishly but I was surprised to not remember walking home from the grog shop. And how could I have! What with all the mad texts I was apparently sending! Foolish but harmless & kind of sweet, that's fine. I think tension was released & that's what was needed. I think I was just spazzing out because I've been... Well I guess inconstant?

Time & effort aren't in any sort of structure so moments & sections of productivity burst & overwhelm - but then I must relax for to long - I've been relaxed more than usual. Maybe the correct amount for the first time? None of my self concept is free of the limiting attenuation that the broader culture imposes so - I don't really trust it as I am antagonistic to the culture at large. I mean who you are in the world is either all of who you really truly are - or - you have an inner dualistic self that's separate from the broader reality but either case participates with the social order.

I'm sure these art generating AI's are a nuisance or bad in some way that I'll have to be shamed for in the future but for now I've been really enjoying it. I'm making a picture book even.

I probably will need to get to selling more books. Kid's college is mostly paid for - but I'm gonna cover a bit of it that'll be taxing. I guess taxing? Not ruinous & not unmanageable. Less than rent more than child support - which I guess this is really a new form of those identical bills. Art school. Really not seeing the sense in it when the AI does what it does. I mean. Obsolescence comes for us all but when you're paying for it! Well. My hope is that college broaden's A's horizons anyway. I still advocated hard for the liberal arts education followed up by dental school because I see that as the way to get smart & then get paid but maybe just being useful to yourself as a creator is more valid. I don't demand, I suggest, I just hope I haven't ben unsupportive conversationally because kid's about to learn independence to a degree & shouldn't have that sense of doubt. Maybe art school is defense & proof against these sensibilities, maybe history & liberal arts education gave me my troubles?