![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Oct. 18th, 2011 04:54 pmNot going to new york to booze up and riot seems like wasting my time anymore. Just saying. I... I started thinking about last year this time - you know - I got all weird and lonesome and distant and then snapped out of it - right after halloween. I don't know why this is a weird time for me, it just is. Daylight Savings? Who knows. Anyway - thinking about last year was the thing that really helped me- cause I'm not dying, exactly, so I felt better- knowing I have tides and patterns.
Meanwhile. I can't type, I can't think to type I guess. I should - that's the fix - but I don't want the cure. The thing of it is - if I go for the cure I feel certain that I'll write something abomnibale, unacceptable that I'll later hate looking at, that I'll be shamed by. So weathering the weather- that's the plan of action - fortunately I'm capable and it's not only possible but kind of easy. House like a bunker, a hideout - perfect. So hiding out till the bad weather goes past and I am no longer shamed by inaction and inability.
Anyhow. My interactions are with my kid and her mom and my roommate and no-body else. That's the plan. I'm going and doing a babysitting tonight, at D's house - that'll be good, in the meantime I wait till that comes up and type something, snappinng myself out of it. I'll take a prize, a present? Something fun to do. That's what I'll do right? Think of it....
Come alive, come alive,come alive. And job interviews and thinking about the things you're supposed to think about. And never the things nobody should ever think about.
Meanwhile. I can't type, I can't think to type I guess. I should - that's the fix - but I don't want the cure. The thing of it is - if I go for the cure I feel certain that I'll write something abomnibale, unacceptable that I'll later hate looking at, that I'll be shamed by. So weathering the weather- that's the plan of action - fortunately I'm capable and it's not only possible but kind of easy. House like a bunker, a hideout - perfect. So hiding out till the bad weather goes past and I am no longer shamed by inaction and inability.
Anyhow. My interactions are with my kid and her mom and my roommate and no-body else. That's the plan. I'm going and doing a babysitting tonight, at D's house - that'll be good, in the meantime I wait till that comes up and type something, snappinng myself out of it. I'll take a prize, a present? Something fun to do. That's what I'll do right? Think of it....
Come alive, come alive,come alive. And job interviews and thinking about the things you're supposed to think about. And never the things nobody should ever think about.
